


Why Weebs Shouldn't be Allowed in Isekais: Prologue

by AceOfHearta



Series: Why Weebs Shouldn't be in Isekais [1]
Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Asexuality, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author is also Hungry, Author vents about a lot of stupidity within the game, Character Bashing, Deuce is a Romine love child and everyone is sleeping on this fact, Deuce's official nickname is Hermione Granger, F/M, Gamer MC, M/M, MC is tired of everyone's shit, Multi, Nerdy MC, Oblivious Flirty MC, Only beta is Grammarly, Streamer MC, Weeb MC, afab mc, angst attempt, first fic, more TBD, no beta we die like men, nonbinary MC, self-insert kinda, simping, thirst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOfHearta/pseuds/AceOfHearta
Summary: Basically, my self insert OC thirsting over the characters and calling everyone out on their BS, bad planning, and issues. Also calling nearly all of them brats all the time.
Relationships: Ace Trappola/Deuce Spade, Azul Ashengrotto & Floyd Leech, Azul Ashengrotto & Jade Leech, Azul Ashengrotto/Jamil Viper, Divus Crewel/Dire Crowley, Epel Felmier/Jack Howl, Floyd Leech & Jade Leech, Floyd Leech/Riddle Rosehearts, Grim & Deuce Spade & Ace Trappola & Original Character(s), Idia Shroud/Original Character(s), Jade Leech/Trey Clover, Malleus Draconia/Leona Kingscholar, Rook Hunt/Vil Schoenheit, Sebek Zigvolt/Silver
Series: Why Weebs Shouldn't be in Isekais [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021987
Comments: 38
Kudos: 111





	1. I Never Actually Wanted to be in an Isekai!

**Author's Note:**

> That moment when you have to rewatch the intro and the prologue to write a fanfic. Credit to Shel_BB for the translation I used.

_Ahh... My dearly beloved,_

_A lovely and noble flower of evil,_

_Truly, you are the most beautiful of all._

_Mirror, mirror on the wall,_

_Who is the..._

A carriage leaves a thick forest, trotting along the path before it. It was a strange carriage. It was a very ornate and gothic-styled carriage. Most peculiar though, was the fact that only the horses, which were dark and skeletal like, had no person guiding them. It seemed that they knew where they were going because before long the skeleton horses came upon a gated entryway. The gates were if you could believe, arguably more ornate than the carriage. But not as near prestigious as the castle-like building the gates guarded. The gates opened to let the carriage in as if to welcome it home.

As the carriage entered in the gates closed with a resounding thud.

_Those who are guided by the Dark Mirror,_

_As long as your heart desires,_

_Take the hand that appears in the mirror._

A tall mirror stands before you. A gloved hand appears within it. The hand is outstretched as if its hand is asking to come along. 

What will you do?

_For me._

_For them._

_For you._

_We are all running out of time._

_No matter what,_

_Never let go of my hand._

You feel a pull towards the mirror. Something within you assures you that all will be okay. You've never had reason to doubt your gut before.

You take the hand

**_~Welcome to the VIllian's World~_ **

You awake to the sound of something thumping against something else near you and the sensation of being shaken awake.

_What the ever-loving fuck is going on?? It's too early for this shit. If it's not noon and somebody is waking me up for something that's not an emergency, blood will be spilled._

"Crap, people are coming. Gotta get a uniform while..."

_Is this person high? There's no uniform in college. And was that a dude's voice? Have they not hit puberty or something? Also, why are they in the girls' dorm? I really need to get out of bed and see what's going on._

"Grrr!!! The lid is too heavy."

You feel something shaking you even more than before.

_What the hell?_

"Time for... my secret move! Guwaahuh~~~~ There!"

Blue flames come peeking around whatever is encasing you. Fear and panic seize your heart at that moment.

_I'm so sorry, but did that fucker just use blue flames to burn whatever the hell is between me and him?? Is he mental?! How does one get a hold of flames that hot and why would they then proceed to use them to break into a girl's dorm?? Just pick the lock or knock on the door even, ya weirdo. It was pretty though._

You then proceed to fall out of whatever you were currently in.

_Oh fuck-_

"Ok, ok. Gotta get... Whaaaaa!!! Why are you up!?"

You survey the room you're currently in. Lots of things were floating around the room, lights, coffin-like things, a talking raccoon. Honestly, it was all pretty overwhelming. Your anxiety was starting to well up inside you making you unable to much of anything other than standing still and looking around like you're in the middle of playing FNAF and you're flipping through the cams again waiting for the jumpscares. God, you're never doing that again. You couldn't sleep for weeks. Not that you could on a regular basis, but that time was even worse than normal.

"You gonna say anything, you dumb human?! You've got a lot of nerve to ignore the Great Grim!"

_Dumb human??? Great Grim? Is he, IT(?), supposed to be famous? Just what is it anyway?_

"Well, whatever. Hey human! Hurry and give me those clothes! Otherwise... I'll roast ya!"

The raccoon thing let out a puff of fire at you to get the point across. Not like you needed the hint.

_He does know that he'll just ruin my clothes anyway right? Also, why does he want them? I'm just in a baggy t-shirt and underwear- NO I AM NOT! Why?! Where?! How!? Who put a robe on me?!?!? SOMEBODY HELP ME!!_

You take one look at the creature in front of you and book it out the only exit you could see. The annoying little furball followed after you with a resounding war cry. You didn't really care. You kept on sprinting like your life depended on it, which it did, not even glancing at the scenery you were passing through. You were ducking around corners and looping around in some sections to try to lose the raccoon on your tail. You somehow managed to do so and end up running into a room that seems to be a library of sorts. Of course, you and your nerdiness managed to sniff out the library even in a life or death event like the one you were just in. 

You decided while you were here you might as well check it out to see if you could figure out where you were. You randomly pick a book off of a shelf nearby and drop the book in shock.

_Did I see that right, or is my mind playing tricks on me?_

You carefully pick the book up again and reread the cover. It was clearly not written in English, your native language, but you sure as hell could read it like it was. It was like your mind was translating it as you looked at it even though you've never seen it before. It vaguely reminded you of Japanese. Did that mean you were in Japan? But that raccoon was speaking English. Right?

You couldn't ponder the thought for too much longer because apparently along with understanding foreign languages, you can also summon raccoon monsters as soon as you think of them. 

It slammed open the door shouting, "You really think you'd get away from my nose? Dumb human! If you don't wanna get roasted, better hand over-"

The raccoon was cut off by some mysterious rope wrapping itself around its throat.

"Buwah!? Ow! What's with this rope?"

A strange man appeared after that.

"This is no mere rope. It is a lash of love!"

_Is he offended the little monster called it a rope?? And who in the world calls a whip a 'lash of love'? Is that some sort of weird BDSM thing? Why is he walking around with that thing if it is?_

"Ah, found you at last. Are you one of the new students? You shouldn't do things like that. Leaving the Gate on your own! Not only that, you have yet to tame your familiar which has broken a number of school rules."

_Does everyone here smoke crack? Did I take something? Is this some sort of weird hallucination or dream? What does this goddamn fool mean by familiar? What does he mean by a new student? I just moved into my dorm at college last night. What the fuck is going on?_

"Let me go! I'm not their freaking familiar!"

The new mystery man did not look impressed by the raccoons, correct, declaration. 

"Sure, sure. The rebellious ones always say things like that, Just quiet down for a moment."  
  


_How often does he deal with shit like this to be so unphased?!_

The fiesty little gremlin continued to squirm and try to break free but the new guy continued on as if the goblin didn't exist," My goodness, It's unprecedented for a new student to leave the Gate on their own. Uuugghh... How impatient can you be? The entrance ceremony is already well underway. Let's head to the Hall of Mirrors."

You timidly speak up in an attempt to clarify things," Um... Excuse me, sir? I'm really confused. What are Gates? What do you mean by a new student? And where is the Hall of Mirrors? I don't understand," you proceed to get little to nothing clarified and even more questions in the process. 

"It's the room you woke up ib with all the doors. All students who wish to attend this academy must pass through one of those doors to arrive here. Normally, students wake up only after the door is opened with a special key but..." he trailed off.

"Ok, so. Those coffins were actually doors. Weird. That must mean that when the furball turned my lid to ash that was why I woke up," You muttered the first part to yourself, but said the last part louder so the tall man could hear you.

"So in the end the culprit appears to be this familiar. If you're going to bring it with you you have to take responsibility and proper care of it."

_My guy. Good sir. He's not my fucking familiar! I'm not a witch! Wish I was. That'd be cool._

"...Oh my! Now isn't the time to be long-winded. The entrance ceremony will soon come to a close. Let's get a move on."

Before he could start moving out of the library you tried to get some more answers out of him, "Wait! You never explained where we are, or who you are for that matter."

"What's this? Are you still dazed? It appears the teleportation magic has left you disoriented... Well, it's fine. It happens often enough."

_The hell?!!! That does not seem fine to me! Why does that happen so often you're not concerned? What do you mean by teleportation magic?? Why has no one fixed this glaring issue with it?? Is everyone here just breathing in dumb dumb fumes? Am I the only one with a brain cell left here?! I hope not because I am a fucking idiot._

"I shall give you an explanation as we make our way there. For I am gracious," he said as he headed toward the exit with an angry floating rodent being pulled behind him. You hurried on ahead to keep up with him.

* * *

You eventually reach what you presume to be a courtyard. It had some trees, bushes, and a wishing well of sorts in the middle of it. It reminded you of the one portrayed in the Harry Potter movies you watched as often as you could, just with a wishing well in place of a water fountain. You loved those things. And the books. And Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. You just loved fantasy.

Mystery dude decided to interrupt your thoughts by telling you about where you were," This is Night Raven College. Those magicians blessed with a unique aptitude for magic gather from all over the world, here at the most prestigious magical academy in Twisted Wonderland."

_Night Raven College?? Never heard of it. Why did it sound weird though when he said it even though the rest of his English has sounded fine? And magicians? Magic?_

_DID I JUST GET ISEKAI'D SOMEWHERE!!!! I may love Isekais, but that doesn't mean I want to be in one! Does that mean I died in my sleep last night?_

"And I am the headmaster, appointed to take care of this academy by the board chairman, Dire Crowley," mystery man, Dire Crowley continued on.

"Ma...gicians? Night... College...?" you stutter out. You were so confused that it was difficult to make a coherent thought, much less a coherent question.

Crowley didn't seem to care though.

"Only those magicians seen as worthy by the Dark Mirror can attend this school. Chosen ones use the Gate and are summoned here from around the world. An Ebony Carriage carrying a Gate should have gone to meet you as well."

"You mean those scary horses that carried me through the forest? Because that's all I'm clearly remembering."

"The Ebony Carriage goes to welcome new students chosen by the Dark Mirror. They are special carriages that carry the doors to the academy."

_I'm getting a lot of Harry Potter vibes from this. So, basically, a carriage pulled by Thestrals carried me in a coffin, like I was on my way to some fancy 1800's funeral to this academy. I don't even know what to say to that._

"The market decided long ago that carriages are used to welcome people on special days."

"The Market? Who? Crow dude you're saying a lot and explaining nothing," said crow dude shot you a look for that name, "And you mean to tell me that that carriage just brought me here on its own?"

Grim started shouting something but it was muffled by the whip.

Crowley continued on ignoring both of us, "Come. Let's go to the entrance ceremony."

You continued to follow him hoping that maybe you could get some actual answers from doing so.

Spoiler Alert: You don't.


	2. The Chapter That Proves Women Are Smarter Than Men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Shel_BB for the translation.

_~In the Hall of Mirrors~_

A short, red-haired person wearing a robe like the one our MC was wearing stands in front of a crowd with some others on either side of him. The crowd themselves are murmuring and chattering between one another. The red-haired person glances around as if confirming something for himself before speaking, "Is that all for the new students?"

The crowd hushes and starts to listen to what's happening.

"Listen up, new students," the short hooded person starts, "Here in Heartslabyul I am the rules. Break them and it's off with your head."

A taller, tan man with long brown hair peeking out from his hooded robe starts yawning. 

He stretches before saying, "...Uuugghh. This stuffy ceremony is finally over," he looks over the crowd, "We're going back to the dorm. Savannaclaws, follow me."

A third man with lavender hair and glasses starts to chime in as well, "To the new students, congratulations on entering this academy. Enjoy your life here to its fullest."

There was a hint of ominousness to his words.

"As the dormitory leader of Octavinelle, I will support you to the best of my ability."

This time a truly stunning, blonde young man started speaking as well, this time more toward the others away from the crowd of students, "By the way, where did the headmaster go? He flew out right in the middle of the ceremony..."

Unlike the past few people talking, this time a voice came over the floating tablet in the room, "Abandoning his post..."

"Did he get a stomach ache or something?" A young man with white hair said.

Crowley loudly opened the doors declaring his and our MC's entry into the scene.

* * *

"Not at all!" Crow dude shouted. Because, ya know, apparently that's all he can do besides ignoring people's questions. I am really starting to hate this world.

"Ah, he's here," someone said off to the side.

I moved around a little to see what was going on.

There were a lot more people in the room than before when the goblin was burning down my coffin. There were some adults off to the side but I couldn't get a good look at them because A) they were too far away, and B) I wasn't brought here with my glasses. Another thing to add to my list of questions: where can I get a pair of glasses?

There was also a sizeable crowd of people in front of a smaller group of people. The big group I'm assuming are the new students that birdbrain seems to think I'm apart of. The smaller group consisted of five people and- 

_IS THAT A FLOATING TABLET???? WHY?? Also, what mood though._

Crowley continued, as he does best, "I cannot believe you all. We were missing one new student so I went to find them," he then turned to me, "You are the only one yet to be assigned a dormitory. I shall watch over the raccoon, step in front of the Dark Mirror."

So birdbrain wants me sorted into a house so that this night can be over with. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the small group of people are the dorm leaders then because of course there are. It would probably be best to comply and then either get Crow dude or whoever is in charge of my dorm alone and explain the situation to them then. Ok. Let's do this.

I make my way in front of this, honestly pretty big, mirror hovering above the ground. The raccoon has yet to stop trying to get out of the whip. It's kinda astonishing really, part of me wants him to get out because he's been struggling for so long. A larger part is saying, "Fuck no!" to that idea though.

"State thy name," said the mirror with a really deep voice. 

_Woah there buddy. Only Corpse Husband is allowed to be the deep voice I simp over. Turn it up a couple of octaves buddy._

"Lily," I said. I didn't feel comfortable giving my new full name. I'm hoping it just accepts that and I don't have to resort giving to my dead one. Then again it's not like anyone back home even knows I've come up with a new name or anything like that.

I heard some surprised muttering in the crowd and some eyes zero in on me. The mirror was taking its own damn time that I was getting even more anxious than I already was.

_Yo, mirror, could you hurry up a bit here?!_

Crow man started to open his mouth, probably to tell me to give my full name, but the mirror beat him there, "The shape of thy soul is... I don't know."

_That_ seemed to shut everyone up. 

"Come again?" the headmaster asked.

"I sense not a spark of magic from this one... the color, the shape, all are nothing."

_Always knew I didn't have a soul._

"Therefore, they are suited for no dormitory."

A quiet chattering started up within the crowd after the mirror had said that.

_Well, no shit Sherlock, I come from a different world. Of course, I ain't got any magic. I could've told you that much Einstein._

Crowley started dramatically wailing, "An Ebony Carriage would absolutely never go meet someone who can't use magic! In 100 years there has not once been a mistake in student selection. So why in the world..."

As Crowley contemplated the anomaly that is my existence the raccoon broke free. Woohoo for that small part of me! Boo for every other fiber of my being that didn't want that to happen.

"Then I'll take their place!" the raccoon replied.

"Stay right there! Raccoon!"Crow dude shouted in vain.

"Unlike that dumb human, I can use magic! Let me in the school instead! If you need proof, I'll show you right now!"

_Oh shit. I know where this is headed._

I and some other red-headed kid shouted in near unison, "Everyone! Get down!" and hit the floor ourselves.

Some white-haired dumbass was apparently a bit too slow and caught his butt on fire. The highlight of being here so far, if I'm being honest.

"Waaaahhh!! Hotttttttttt!!! My butt's on fire!" he screamed.

I decided to have mercy on him and yelled out, "Stop, drop, and roll to put out the fire!"

I didn't pay attention to see if he listened to me because Crowley had started speaking again.

"At this rate, the school will be a sea of fire! Somebody catch the raccoon!"

_You're the headmaster! Act like it and do it yourself! You're not doing much of anything else! Look at those other adults! See what they're doing? They're helping put out the fires at least! Quit making children do your job for you!_

My sentiment seemed to be carried by one of the other... dorm leaders? I'm guessing. The tall guy with tan skin and- LION EARS????!!!

_OMG! There are furries here! I don't know how to feel about this. Can I get a catboy maid in this world? I am drooling at the thought._

"Che, suck-ups," said the lion guy.

"Hmm? Aren't you good at hunting? Doesn't it look like a nice, plump snack?" said a _very_ pretty guy in response.

"Why me? Do it yourself."

_Oh, come on. Even here all men do is put their pride before others. Ugh. Guess I'll have to stop this myself._

I mostly tuned out what the others were saying because it seemed like they were more preoccupied with either scoring brownie points or comparing their dick sizes to be of any help in this scenario. I carefully moved away from the guys nearby. I also noticed that the raccoon had started to turn his attention toward them and, consequently, away from me. I noticed that his tail was swaying down, casually behind it.  
  


_Aha! I know what to do now._

The little gremlin started talking as I was covertly making my way towards him from behind, "...The Great Grim that will be the greatest magician ever is me!"

No sooner had the words left its mouth had I launched into action. I quickly grabbed its tail near the part where it starts to form a fork at the end. I wrapped some of the rest of its tail around my hand while simultaneously pulling it closer to me. When it was close enough to me, I used my free arm to hold its body against my chest. My hand that had its tail around it I used to quickly jam inside its mouth that had opened up in a scream to muffle him and stop him from spewing any more fire. Its teeth did cut in and dig into my hand a little bit, but the pain wasn't all that present to me in the heat of the moment.

"Take that you nasty gremlin. What are you gonna do now? Light your own tail on fire?" I said menacingly, "Honestly, the amount of grief you've given me in the past few hours is unreal."

I noticed that all of a sudden it had gone quiet. I looked up and saw that they were all staring at me.

"Uuhh... Hi?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I didn't really wait for any comments to appear bc I got a sudden burst of inspiration to continue, so we're gonna do this one in the first person and see which the author (me) likes better.


	3. Lily Has Had Enough of Everyone's Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Shel_BB for the translation
> 
> Umm... I do put in a panic/anxiety/breakdown thing in here. So, trigger warning(?) ig.
> 
> Also, the angst tag comes into play! Yay!

"Why are you all staring at me? I stopped the cat."

"You're bleeding," said the guy with lavender hair.

"You're a girl!" shouted the white-haired one.

I first looked down at my legs to see if there was a trail of blood, but soon noticed the blood on my hand from where the monster had bitten me. The relief that washed over me was unlike anything I had felt all night.

"Guess I am bleeding."

"Why is there a girl at Night Raven College? I thought this was an all-boys academy?" the tablet questioned.

"Well, there's nothing in the rules that says that a girl can't attend," a short hooded person said.

"Regardless, you must do something with your familiar! You need to properly discipline-"

I cut him off, finally done with all of this, "Well, maybe if _you_ didn't believe yourself to be some omnipotent god and allow a person to speak for themselves, we could have avoided this situation! Like I have been trying to tell you since you showed up, _THIS THING_ ," I shook the monster around a little for emphasis, "is not my FUCKING FAMILIAR! I don't even know what that means!"

"Ah, really?"

"Yes really! I have no clue where I am, I don't know a damn thing about Night Raven College or even what a 'Twisted Wonderland' is, and every time you speak I end up with more questions than answers! I am NOT supposed to be here! I had just finally moved into my own dorm, at the university, I SIGNED UP TO GO TO by the way, rather than get magically get transported to, and get some sleep! Then all of a sudden I wake up being roasted alive in a goddamn COFFIN of all things! Then a raccoon monster tries to mug me to get my robe, I get chased around this building like I'm in a really bad game of hide-and-seek, and then _YOU APPEAR!_

"You! Dire Crowley! The supposed headmaster of the school, who can't seem to listen to another person but himself for more than ten seconds! My god! You are the most annoying person to deal with that I have ever met! You probably just got the position because the higher-ups just wanted you to shut up! And _now_ , you have the audacity to yell at me for not taking care of a nonexistent familiar, even though I am the only out of everyone, but the ACTUAL adults to deal with the situation! Is there any pleasing to you?!"

I had to catch my breath there at the end of that. I felt a little bad for yelling so much but I really had to let that out somehow and him getting mad at me was really just what tipped me over.

The guy with lion ears whistled before saying, "You're a feisty little herbivore, aren't you?"

"I sure am feisty, and if you don't want this 'feistiness' pointed your way, you really should shut pussy cat."

"You sure you wanna pick a fight with me, herbivore?" Lion Man said straightening up to look intimidating.

"Enough! Both of you!" Crowley piped up, "Now I realize you've had quite a stressful night so I'm willing to overlook your outburst. For I am gracious."

"Great, Crow dude. Now, what are we gonna do with the furball here?" I asked gesturing to it in my arms, "I would really like to get my hand back at some point tonight."

"Let me handle it," the red shorty volunteered.

I shrugged and started letting go of it to hand it over. As soon as my hand was out of its mouth a weird collar thing appeared around its neck.

"Off with your head! Law of Queen of Hearts: Number 23 'One shall never bring a cat into a festival.' You being a cat means you've broken the rule. I shall have you eave at once."

_Since when was this a festival?!?_

"Yeah right! I'll just burn this collar... huh? Why can't I use my magic?"

The red-haired shorty smirked before saying, "You won't be using any magic until I remove the collar. Just like an ordinary cat."

"What?! I'm not some pet!"

"Don't worry, I'd never keep a pet like you."

"Me either, furball," I said.

Shorty eyed me for a moment. I don't think he knew if he should be mad at me for interrupting him or pleased that I agreed with him. He continued on either way, "I'll take it off anyway when you get thrown out."

"Wow, as wonderful as ever. Any and all magic gets sealed by your Unique Magic, Riddle," Lavender said but then quickly lowered his voice, "I want it... No. I wouldn't ever want that cast on me."

_Did nobody hear that shady as shit last part? No? Just me as usual? Ok, then._

The red-headed one, Riddle, as I finally learned handed off the raccoon to some other guy with what I think was green hair? I can't be too sure though.

"Pretty cool trick up your sleeve, short stack," I complimented.

This time there was no mistaking the look he sent me. Note to self: Shorty does not like to be called out on his height.

The cat had to have the last word in, apparently. As he was getting taken out he shouted, "I'll... I'll definitely become the greatest magician!"

_He is definitely going to show up again. THAT will be fun for whoever has to deal with it again. I pity that poor soul._

"Well, we had a bit of trouble along the way but this brings us to a close. Dormitory Heads, please show the new students back to the dormitories. Huh...? Now that I think about it, I don't see the leader for Diasomnia, Mr. Draconia, around at all..."

"That's no different from usual is it?" Catboy asked.

"What? Did nobody tell him about the ceremony?" the boy-who-can't-duck asked.

The Blonde Beauty apparently didn't like the fact that kid with white hair had no brain cells and retorted, "If you're going to complain you should have done it yourself."

_He's not wrong, but something feels off about this. Do they all just not like him? That's really sad._

"I would... but I don't really know anything about that guy."

"By Draconia... do they mean 'that' Malleus Draconia?"  
  


"Is he seriously attending this school?

"Scary..."

_Ok. Apparently, Male Draco whoever is pretty famous. No idea who he is though. Maybe I should ask one of my new 'friends'._

I looked to see who was closest to me and lo and behold it was Catboy. And the Blonde Beauty was near him too. Oh well. Worth a shot anyway.

I walked over toward him as casually as possible. When I got close enough I noticed him raise his eyebrow at me in a questioning manner.

"What do you want, herbivore? Here to continue that fight from earlier?"

"Really Leona, have some sense of manners," Blonde Beauty scolded him, "What do you need dear?"

"First, no way in hell am I getting into any more trouble. I am exhausted. Raincheck?" I told Leona (Catboy), "But really I was just wondering who Male... Draco, whoever is and why everyone is freaking out about him."

They looked at me in shock. "You don't know who Malleus Draconia is?" Blondie very nearly shouted bring the attention onto us rather than whatever was happening before.

I got tired with everyone assuming I'm from here so I decided to turn and head toward the mirror again, huffing a little on the way.

"Yo mirror. I have understood very little since getting here, but from what I do, you're the thing that says whether people can leave or not. So, let me go home," I demanded.

"Now listen here, you can't just-" I turned and looked at who was talking to me, interrupting Crowley, "I wasn't asking you for shit now was I?"

Turning back to the mirror I decided to try a softer approach.

"Please send me back. I don't even have magic, so I would have to go back anyway right?"

"It is nowhere... the place you desire is nowhere in this world... it does not exist."

I sighed, dragging my hands over my face. I paused for a moment because I felt some liquid on my face, so I pulled my hands away from me. I noticed that, yep, my hand didn't just randomly stop even though I stopped noticing it.

_Great. Now I've got blood on my face._

  
"Eh? What did you say?" Crowley asked in shock as if he were surprised at this considering how bizarre this entire night has been. "That is unbelievable! Hmm, well, the unbelievable has been on a parade today.

I just wanted to go home. It honestly wasn't that great but at least it was home. 

_Oh no._

_It's starting._

I could feel my hands start to shake and my breath begin to shorten. I could distantly hear a bunch of commotion around me, but I couldn't begin to tell you what was happening.

_Not here. Calm down. We can't have one of these here, in front of all the strangers._

I knew that my body never did what I wanted. I still tried to will it to do so, even at the feeling of snakes sliding right under my skin started to creep up. I hated when this happened because it happened to me so vividly. It's always around my wrists. Sometimes around my shoulders or knees. My body, for some reason, decides that when I'm too stressed to conjure an invisible snake right above my muscles and directly under my skin, have my muscles feel super dry and making the 'scales' of the 'snake' grind against it. Then, after the 'snake' has curled around my wrist enough it sinks it's long, thin 'fangs'into my skin. 

It's just the most pleasant of feelings.

Out if the corner of my eye, I noticed that strange tablet thingfloating near me.

"What do you want?" I spat at it.

"Are you okay?" called the voice on the otherside of the screen.

"No! NO! I am not OK! I've nearly been roasted alive twice today, my hand has multiple cuts into it and is still bleeding, and now I found out that my only way out of here can't let me leave because apparently my home doesn't eve EXIST! How in the WORLD did you think I'd be ok?!" I yelled at it, tears welling up in my eyes.

I crumbled to the floor pulling my hood over my head. I just sat there hugging my knees to my chest as I tried vainly to not breakdown even more than I already had.

Slowly, but surely, I heard the noise diminish to nothingbut my muffled sniffling. 

Eventually, a clawed hand was placed on my shoulder. I flinched away but turned to face them nonetheless. It was Crowley.

"Why don't we head to the library where I found you and see if there's anything that can get you back home," he said.

I liked that. He didn't try to console me, I don't think there was anything he could'vesaid in that moment to do so. He gave me help instead. He offered me a way to not dwell on my situation and even a possibility to change it.

Maybe he is gracious like he said.

I stood up and nodded my head towards the door for him to lead the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS! AT LEAST THE QUICK NOTICE!!
> 
> OMG!!! People have commented!!! People have Kudo'd this!! I have Bookmarks!! You guys really like this story? That's great bc I'm having a really fun time with this.
> 
> Thanks, Yours_Truly_This_Master, senadasena_bell, Tomboywold201, Shadowhope, MoonlightAngel, Wayfaring_Ink, lidok, Otaku_of_Anime_23, Green_pie, and all the others who liked this.
> 
> Thanks to Wolf_pack and Shadowhope for bookmarking this. And to Sage_of_Stories for rec-ing this.
> 
> To senadasena_bell: thanks so much for liking the story. I hope you continue to enjoy whatever the hell this fanfic becomes;
> 
> To Yours_Truly_This_Master: I'm glad that I'm one of the few self-insert stories you enjoy. I hope you continue to do so.
> 
> Also, Quick Notice
> 
> At some point, probably when I get to the first chapter of the game, I plan on making Lily become a streamer on the side as a way to vent and escape the stress the game and myself put on them and to have a way of interacting with Idia that doesn't seem OOC or at least to OOC. So if you have any questions specifically for the MC or some of the other characters (when I allow them to co-star) then you can already write them now, Just indicate someway if it's for me or Lily.
> 
> I probably won't keep up too much with thanking people who bookmark and Kudo and stuff but please know that I do appreciate it. Comments to me specifically I will respond to down here in the notes in case someone asks a question a lot of people have been wondering.
> 
> Honestly getting onto here and seeing even just this many people into my story is what gave me the motivation to finish and post this chapter today. If anyone else comments before I post this and I don't answer you, just know that I probably haven't seen it yet and I'll respond in the next chap.


	4. In Which We Confirm my Greatest Fear, I Am In An Isekai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits to Shel_BB for the translation
> 
> I said to myself I would start working on this either by 10 o'clock my time or I got up to 5 comments on this story. Both happened.
> 
> Guys, I'm crying!!!! The amount of love this is getting is amazing!!!!!!!
> 
> Also, I have no idea how to write Crewel. I just can't get a feel for him,

We didn't even make it around the corner before we ran into New Guy #47. 

_Why???_

"Crewel, what are you doing here?" birdbrain asked.

"I was concerned about the young pup and how she was doing, Dire," said the guy in an oversized black and white striped coat. 

_Did he just call me a pup? Ya know what, not the weirdest thing about this night._

"I can handle her, Divus."

_Divus? I thought his name was Crewel? Is one of those his last name? Why are we referring to people by their last name? Which is his? Why, crow dude, do you confuse me so?_

"It sure seemed that way when she went off on you in front of the new student body."

_Coat man is my new favorite person. Go off bitch._

While I was off in my own head, blessing whatever god or gods decided to show mercy on me by sending a sassy person with a brain (hopefully), Crowley was sputtering and stammering to find something to say to that.

_I really should apologize for that._

"Not like she's totally wrong about you. Tell me Dire, where were you planning on taking her?" Coat man asked.

"Well, Divus, I was planning on taking her to the library to see if we could find anything to help her situation," Birdbrain said, puffing up his chest as if he accomplished... something.

_I really need to come up with some more nicknames and/or insults for Crowley. Maybe if I got some sleep I would think better. How late is it anyway?_

Coat man, I'm starting to think his first name is Divus from the way Crow man keeps calling him that, tilted his head to the side and rhetorically asked, "Before or after taking her to the infirmary, and getting me because we both know you terrible with first aid Dire, to treat her hand wound?"

"Ah... after?"

Divus, I'm sticking with that being his first name, leveled Crowley with an unimpressed look, before turning his attention to me.

I wasn't close enough to discern any specific details about him, my eyesight is absolutely the worst, but I could at least tell that he was wearing a massive coat and had half his hair white and the other half black. Really couldn't tell you much more than that. Man, do I need to get some glasses. 

"Follow me, pup. Let's go and bandage that hand of yours," he said, reminding me about the fact that I shoved it into a monster's mouth full of sharp teeth.

_Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. Wonder when that's gonna wear off._

"Ok, but, who are you?"

He held out his hand for me to shake and introduced himself, "My name is Divus Crewel, my students call me Master Crewel. And yours?"

"Lily, sir," I said taking his proffered hand with my non-bloody hand.

"Lovely to meet you pup. Now, we really must be on our way."

He spun on his heel and headed down the opposite hallway than where Crowley and I were heading.

* * *

I sat down on a bed closest to the door. Crewel brought over a chair to sit before me.

"Can I see your hand, pup?"

I casually held out my injured hand for him to inspect.

"It looks worse than it is. All it really needs is to be cleaned up a bit and bandaged. I wouldn't recommend using it more than you have to unless you absolutely have to."

"Man, and that's my good hand," I lamented.

Divus chuckled at me.

"Dire, could you hand me some bandages, antiseptic spray, and cloth to wipe off the blood, please?"

Crowley quickly headed to do that. It seemed that he didn't want to get any more on Crewel's bad side. 

_Are they a thing?_

Crewel looked me in my eyes and told me, "That was a very risky thing you did back there, pup. You should be more careful with yourself. You lucked out with only some scrapes."

"Trust me, sir, I know. Normally, I am and a lot less aggressive. It's just that I'm running on fumes and adrenaline, not exactly the best mixture for decision making."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Really now? Forgive me, pup, if I find that a bit hard to believe."

"Why do you keep calling me a pup?" I asked not really wanting to get into that. I know I've been acting a bit out of character for me. I've probably already gained some sort of rep as this reckless delinquent.

"It's what I call all of my students. You're about their age so I did it without noticing. Why? Does it bother you?"

Crowley showed up by then with the supplies. I decided to answer Crewel while he started working on my hand.

"Not really, sir. It just confused me is all sir."

"That reminds me, you said something about being a university student?"

"Yeah, I was going to get my teaching degree actually."

"Really?" he looked at me intrigued, "Care to indulge me as to why? Not many choose to go into this profession."

"I won't go into all the details, but I will say that I love seeing that spark of understanding within people when they finally understand how to solve what they were struggling with. It brings me an unmeasurable amount of satisfaction."

"You're an interesting little pup, that's for sure," he smiled, "It makes even less sense as to why the mirror chose to bring you here because that would mean that you should've already graduated college. That's something most young people choose to do after graduating after all."

I looked at him confused.

"Are colleges and universities not the same thing here? What about high school?"

"I don't know what you mean about high school, but normally people go to elementary school, then middle, colleges or other academies like us here at Night Raven or those who choose to go to our rival Royal Sword Academy. Then after graduating all four years then either go to pursue a job out in the world or go to universities to get a degree in whatever field they desire."

_I got Isekai'd back into a fantasy high school? The bullshit that I can smell is ungodly in its stench. Why? God or gods above, why? I suffered through this once already. The pain. The agony._

"Where I'm from, we call that high school, by your explanation. Colleges and/or universities are just about interchangeable."

He finished up with my hand by this point.

"Ah, I see. Well, it's been a pleasure to meet you, Lily. I hope you and Crowley can find something out about your predicament. I must leave you now, I have to finish up some last-minute things before school begins tomorrow."

"Bye, Mr. Crewel," I said, waving him goodbye.

He smiled and waved back as he was heading out the door.

"Ahem," a voice came from the corner near me.

"You seemed to warm up to him pretty quickly. Any particular reason?" he said suggestively.

_If he's implying what I think he is, I think I might actually vomit. The man is like as old as you are, sir! No!_

"Anyone able to make you look like a fool scores brownie points with me. That and I tend to like people capable of being an actual adult," I said snidely, "Why? Did you think I would like him for some other reason?"

_Haha! Whatchu gonna say now birdman?_

He looked me over as if trying to assess how honest I was being.

"No, not in particular. It's just seemed a bit strange with how you were behaving earlier."

I shrugged in response. I didn't feel like continuing this nonsensical conversation. I've never been very good with small talk even in my own world.

Crow man sighed for some reason before saying, "Well, _now_ let's head to the library."

"Ladies first," I said, gesturing for him to lead the way.

I'm not super certain because I couldn't see very well without my glasses, but Crowley seemed to be amused by my actions. Strange, strange man he is.

* * *

"There really isn't anything. Not only in the world map, but the name of your home isn't written in any of the history books we have here. Are you truly from where you say? You aren't lying to me by chance?"

I shot him a highly unimpressed glare.

He continued on, "Looking at all of this, you may have somehow been brought here from another planet... There's also the possibility you're from another world."

"I am," I said, "I figured that out earlier. I just wanted to confirm that for myself because it seemed so unbelievable."

"What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ that none of these books are written in the only language I know, English, and, more importantly, magic doesn't exist where I'm from."

"Are you serious? A world without magic? If it weren't for all that's happened today I would not believe such a place could possibly exist."

"Me and you both birdman. Me and you both."

"What did you have on you when you came here? Do you have any identification on you? Like a license, name on a shoe... you appear empty-handed."

"You would be right. The only thing I got on me, other than this robe, is the baggy t-shirt I wore to bed. I don't even have any shoes on." I emphasized that last point by propping said feet on the table and leaning back.

"Well, in this case, I can't just let someone who can't use magic stau at the school. However, as an educator, I can't just toss a penniless teenager out on the street with no form of communication. For I am gracious."

_He's not wrong, but does he have to be so condescending about it? Is this payback for being a bitch earlier? Actually, that's fair._

"Hmm...."

_Geez, don't fry your last brain cell about this._

"That's right! There is an unused building on campus. It was once used as a dormitory in the past, so if you clean it up, you should at least be able to sleep there."

_Wooowwww... thanks for providing the BARE minimum. 'At least you'll be able to sleep there'! Ugghh. Can't believe I actually thought you would be a good guy._

"For the time being, I shall allow you to stay there! My graciousness is limitless! I am a model for all educators!"

_Your graciousness doesn't even exist! What the fuck do you mean 'a model for all educators'?! You've yet to do shit! Much less set a model for anything other than what not to do._

_I don't EXACTLY have a lot of options, though. SO, I GUESS it'll do._

We had better be on our way. Let's head to the dormitory. It may be a bit old but there is a certain charm to it."

Why did I not have a good feeling about that last line?

_Oh god. What did I just agree to?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! You guys are awesome.
> 
> I love the comments (Currently I only have 2 more, but whatever). Honestly, I nearly cried when I was reading them bc I'm just so touched that people are enjoying this. Legit, this is the best received any of my fanfics have gotten in any fandom I've tried to write for.
> 
> To moedango: I'm glad you're enjoying this so much. The amount of self projecting I am doing on to Lily is unreal. Which is why I am glad you find them so relatable. Grim sometimes gets on my nerves within the game so, be prepared (*wink*) for that to happen more within the story. 
> 
> To sadistic_despair: Glad you're liking it so far.
> 
> To Sol_Fortune: It makes me so happy to see you like the story so much. I was honestly so scared no one would like the MC because of how much I base them off of myself. It really is so amazing to see everyone like them so much.
> 
> To Yours_Truly_This_Master: Thank you so much for replying to sendasena_bell. I really couldn't answer it better myself. I (and the mc) identify as nonbinary with sh/they/her/them pronouns. I'm not super big on labeling myself in any way when it comes to gender, but those are what make me the most comfortable. Same with calling myself nonbinary. I debated between that and Agender, but nonbinary is what I ended up sticking with. Also, so glad you find this so funny. Seeing you just write WHEEZE in the comments brings a smile to my face.
> 
> To senadasena_bell: Happy to see you again! Thanks for coming back. Keep commenting like you are and I'll continue to write like I am! (Also, in that instance you should've used don't in the question). I also would live to know how you're making those emoji things bc I find them adorable.
> 
> Now to address some observations people have made in the comments. It's nothing bad at all really (you can check the comments yourselves if you don't believe me, leave one of your own while your down there too)
> 
> Leona: A few people pointed out how Leona seems to be interested in Lily. He's not really though. I know I haven't written enough for that to come through (I mean obvs in the end I'm going to set him up with Malleus). I more see him as a person who's drawn/interested in strong fighter types,(also I'm really into Leona and he just got away from me as I was writing him(prob gonna happen again)) which as Lily has just shown themselves as makes him intrigued at least. But, here's the thing. Lily isn't normally like this.
> 
> Lily: I wanna make this clear now so nobody is just completely caught off guard when I get around the end of Chapter 1 and beginning of chapter 2, but this is not normal Lily. This is highly stressed, deeply scared, and sleep-deprived Lily. They were taken to here and woken up in the middle of the night. Lily is still just trying to process everything going on right now. Which is why they're so aggressive and snappish. So, don't get suuupppeeerrr used to them being like thisbc once everything settles down how they normally act will shine through.
> 
> Crowley: Crowley just pisses me off man. He never really does anything in-game besides shove his responsibilities onto others. I don't HATE him, but I am not a huge fan. really I think he knows exactly what he's doing and going on and is just using us (the player) to bring out the evil potential in everybody via overblots or something to that nature. My reasons being, his voice is the one that we hear at the beginning, the dramatics of his actions seem way too forced, and the general vibe he gives off whenever you have to interact with him. Could just be a me thing tho. Also, I love that everyone is enjoying me just going off on him.
> 
> Azul: Azul gave off shady motherfucker vibes as soon as he was on screen to me. I just pointed it out. Foreshadowing in the game was like putting a stamp on his head saying, "Danger! Danger! Sady as hell character here!" I just used neon ink in my story.
> 
> Riddle: Riddle is just very conflicted about Lily. And confused. Mostly confused.
> 
> Grim: Annoying cat who needs impulse control in my book.
> 
> IDK if this feels spoiler-y or not but I just wanted to clarify things for when everything changes a lot.


	5. I Ain't Scared Of No Ghosts! (I Actually Totally Am)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I first want to tell you that you guys are the only thing that has been making these past few days bearable for me. No. More than that. Enjoyable, even. I've been really stressed with these last few weeks of college, preparing for finals and registering for the next semester, and seeing this get so much love has just filled me with so much joy that I've nearly cried every time I refresh my page to see the new comments, and likes, and everything. 
> 
> Also, I love seeing everyone react to Lily. I live in a very conservative household and so I'm still in the closet to most people about my whole identity really. I made Lily as a way to vent and express myself and seeing her get so much love has given ME sooooo much more confidence in everything really. I even gave them the name I would prefer to go by. (There is so much meaning behind her name to me) I haven't given her a last name yet bc I knew I didn't want to give her mine, but they're also the first OC that I ever created, and a lot of people know her full name bc I am currently using her in a story that I am ATTEMPTING to write. But if you've ever written anything before (especially personal stuff) you know how that can be. 
> 
> Just wanted to give my love to you guys before you continue.
> 
> (Also do you guys find my notes too long? Should I shorten them?)
> 
> Credits to Shel_BB for the translation

Why am I always right? I should've been named Cassandra, honestly. What kinda haunted house shit is this?

"This is not charming. This looks like a horror house."

Crowley huffed at me.

_You're an adult. Not a toddler!_

"Right. Right. Let's get inside."

He opened the door and it made a very unnerving groaning sound.

I looked at him. "If I die in here I'm haunting your ass. For eternity."

"Just get inside," he said with an annoyed look on his face.

I walked in. I wanted to do so as slowly as possible to annoy birdman, but I also wanted him to finally leave. The real issues of tonight. To be a bitch, or to not be a bitch?

"Staying here will at least keep you out of the rain. I'm going back to do more research. Make yourself at home. Don't go wandering around the school! Goodbye!" he said and immediately went back out the ominous door. He didn't even let give him a half-hearted goodbye. Let me be passive-aggressive, dammit!

I looked around the room he left me.

_I could make a snowman out of all the dust everywhere. Would that technically make it a dustman though? Might as well clean up a little while I still have the energy._

I may not have been given magic, but I clearly had been given some type of powers because as soon as I thought that, the bottom fell out of the sky. It came pouring down outside and the roof started to leak.

_'Oh don't worry about it, Lily.' 'It will at least keep you dry, Lily.' 'Why can't you just be grateful I'm helping you, Lily?' Because, birdman! You're not actually helping. This place is NOT keeping me out of the rain! You asshole!_

I decided to ignore the occasional drips for right now and prioritize getting the dust up. I started searching around for a broom or even a duster, feathered, or otherwise.

_Haha... that'd be funny. I'd HAVE to get a maid dress at that point. Just for the memes, of course._

"Hyiii! It's really coming down!"

I recognized that shrill voice.

_Please, no. Please, god, no..._

I slowly turned around, praying that I was just hallucinating.

"Gyahaha! You've got this _stupid_ look on your face! Like a spider being attacked with a water gun!

_I'm sorry, a WHAT, now?_

"I'll have no trouble sneaking back into the school. Come on, come, on. If you think getting thrown out is gonna make me give up on getting in, you've got another thing coming!"

"I didn't actually. You seemed like the type to never learn their lesson. If sneaking in the first time didn't work, why do you think a second time will? Because you're persistent? I don't even get why you want to go here. It's been looking like just about everyone here is a moron."

Grim seemed to be slightly taken aback. "That's simple! I'm a genius who is destined to be a great magician! I've been waiting for the Ebony Carriage to come to pick me up. But... but..." he trailed off.

I felt for the gremlin a little bit. I was certainly no stranger to being overlooked or the last option.

"Obviously, the carriage isn't perfect. I mean, it picked up me, a magicless person."

He seemed surprised at my statement.

"Hmph! You're right! The Dark Mirror just doesn't have an eye for this. So that's why I came here on my own. Not letting me in would be a loss for the world, humans just don't get it."

_I get it alright. You're an egotistical tsundere with an inferiority complex that you mask with you're superiority/god complex._

Some rain fell on his head.

"Nyaa! So cold! The roof is leaking!"

"No shit Sherlock."

"Who's Sherlock?" he asked.

Some more rain dropped on him before I could reply. I did lament the fact that he didn't know who that was. I loved watching it on BBC. And Doctor Who. I held on to a slight bit of hope that he just didn't watch any TV, as he was a monster. I'll have to check on that at some point.

"Ahh! It keeps coming! My adorable ear fire is gonna go out at this rate!"

_I'll give him that much. He is pretty adorable._

"Help me get a bucket then. Where's it coming from?" 

"Magic should fix this leak up real quick... Oh, that's right. You can't use magic. Pfft! You're useless," he laughed.

I glared at him in the eyes. "Tough talk coming from the cat that I gagged with his own tail. Tell me, was _I_ the useless one when you were rampaging in the Hall of Mirrors? Or did you forget that as well? I could certainly jog your memory."

He cowered a little. "Eeep! I-uh mean... you might not be useless, but you're still gonna need some magical help. And I don't do anything for free. You're going to have to get a can of tuna ready first. After all, I'm just a lonely monster seeking shelter from the rain."

"You know what? Whatever. It's been a long night. I'm going to go find a bucket. I hope the rain douses your ear fire," I sighed tiredly. I turned around to the stairs by the entrance and headed my way up there. 

_Surely there must be one up there._

I made my way to the second floor. There were no lights on up here yet and it just added to the eerie feeling of this place. I meandered down the hallway in front of me when three ghosts or ghost-like things appeared in front of me.

I don't know if anyone knows this or caught on to this yet, but I have a _MINOR_ case of anxiety. The thing about that though is that I don't react well to horror. Any kind of horror really. Coraline mentally scarred me for years and I don't want to admit how old I was for me to not get nightmares from watching it.

So when I tell you that I did _NOT_ , in fact, scream when they appeared, you should believe me. NO. I wish I did. Instead, this unholy screech that would put banshees to shame in their wailings and screams was summoned from my mouth. I was surprised that glass did not shatter. I have never hit such an octave since before puberty. It even stunned the ghosts for a moment.

Grim flew up the stairs after I stopped making whatever noise was coming out of my mouth. He was obviously, and within reason, concerned about what was happening.

"G-g-g-g-g-ghooosssttsss!" He yelled pointing at them. This seemed to bring said ghosts out of their stupor. All of them began laughing. 

"We haven't had guests in so long..."

"I'm itching for some action. Hehehehe!!"

_WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???! I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO HAUNT BIRDBRAIN!_

A short, plumpy ghost with a surprisingly deep voice started talking, "The people living here got scared of us and left."

"We've been looking for more ghost pals. How about you guys?" said a taller, plumpy ghost with an even deeper voice.

"NO THANKS! I don't wanna die like this!" I yelled.

"Grim the Great Magician isn't scared of some ghosts!!!" he shouted, teeth chattering. He then, in pure dumbass fashion, blew a ball of fire at the ghosts with his eyes closed. Completely missing his targets.

_This is not Haikyuu and you aren't Hinata Shouyo. Open your damn eyes and shoot!_

"Where were you aiming?" said the third and final ghost. He was super skinny, especially when compared to the others. His friends maybe. His voice was also higher pitched.

"Over here, over here! Heehee!" said the fattest ghost.

Grim was growing even more frustrated and upset. "Shoot! Stop disappearing!" 

He blew another fireball and missing.

"Stop closing your eyes, dumbass! You'll burn the whole place down like earlier!"

"Shut up! Don't try to give me orders!"

I was trying to think of a way to get him to listen to me.

_What would a cat monster want? How does one get a Normal cat to behave?_

And then it came to me.

_Fish._

"I'll give you a can of tuna if you win!" I said trying to bribe him.

It seemed to work a little because he was at least considering it. "I-I'm a genius. I won't let one..."

The ghosts appeared while he was contemplating it and provoked him.

"Bunch of coward ganging up on us!"

I grew panicked. "How about if I raised it to _two_ tuna cans?!"

"Hey, you! Tell me where the ghosts are!" Grim said. I couldn't tell by that response if he was agreeing to my offer or if he was getting fed up with the ghosts. Either way worked for me.

"Got it! On your left!"

He shot the ball where I told him to and hit the ghost dead on. 

"Nice one!" I cheered.

"I hit it! Alright! Let's chase them all outta here!"

"On you're right, now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Response Time!
> 
> To Shadowhope: I am eager to see what you come up with for Lily. I am glad to see you invested in this story and I hope Lily's reaction lived up to your expectations. Also, Divus Crewel is the best dad. No competition. So of course he's the only one Lily is getting along with right now.
> 
> To moedango: Why his paw? Just why? Crowley though is just teasing the MC half as payback and half for his one amusement. I headcanon Crewel as, you know, the hot teacher everyone crushes on. (Can't relate though to having one of those). So Crowley is currently under the assumption that Lily is also like one of those students. Probably even more so bc everyone is still assuming they're a girl. Crowley and Divus have a very healthy relationship though and so he wouldn't actually be threatened by a teenager in any place.
> 
> To Yours_Truly_This_Master: Heyyyy!!! Twinsies!! Happy to hear that. It's always awesome to meet someone else like me. And I wasn't really hiding the Leona/Malleus ship. I put it in the tags for a reason. IDK when I'll get around to it. mostly bc I'm thing of doing this even into the next year (after the game canonically ends) and really focusing on ships there. Either way, you will get the ship content I promised.


	6. I Fight the Principal (It's Not as Fun as it Sounds)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving guys! And I hope those of you who don't celebrate that, for whatever reason that may be, have a great day as well!
> 
> Credits to Shel_BB for the translation.
> 
> I had a really cringey dream the other day and was going to share it here for you guys, but decided to shelve it for the moment and have it be a one-off thing in the story.
> 
> I also feel like you guys should know I DON'T actually have the game. I only know what Shel_BB and other YouTubers translate and put out. (Like AmiYoshiko and Proud Hufflepuff)
> 
> I ADDED ANGST AND I DIDN'T MEAN TOO!!! I'M SORRY!!!

"Raagghhh!" grim shouted as he blew out another fireball. The ghosts were really taking a beating by this point.

One of the ghosts shouted, "Hee, heeeeeeee! We're goners! Run away!~" and they all hastily ran/faded away, heading down the stairs. Grim and I chased them down to make sure they left.

"Eh? We... won?" Grim asked in shock. I Couldn't blame him. I couldn't believe it either.

_We actually LIVED through that? What the fuck??_

I smiled. Relief, disbelief, and amazement all washed over me like a tsunami.

"Hell yeah, we did!" I shouted, "High five, Grim!"

I held up my hand.

"Haahh... that was sc... I mean! I wasn't scared at all! Of course, we won. The Great Grim never loses," he said. I slowly lowered my hand. I guess the idiot didn't hear or notice me earlier.

"That was nothing for the Great Grim! How about that, ghosts? You done?"

Yep, he totally tuned me out. Better reign him in before he somehow summons the ghosts back.

"Knock it off, moron! If you somehow bring them, or some other ghosts here, I won't give you any tuna!" I yell at him.

The headmaster, for some godforsaken reason, decided to enter the dorm right after that moment.

"Good evening. I have graciously brought you supper," he said. He then noticed Grim floating beside me.

"You're the monster that ran amuck-" _who the fuck uses the word 'amuck' in this day and age?_ "-during the entrance ceremony! I threw you out of the school, what are you doing here?!" 

Now, let me be clear. There is no love lost or gained between me and Grim, but I wasn't going to just let a dumbass comment like that just pass me by. Especially not when GRIM was the one to protect me from the ghosts that the headmaster, probably deliberately let's be real here, didn't warn me about.

I turned and stood up for Grim, "Probably the same way that he did the first time, Birdbrain! Did you _honestly_ think that a person who was willing to burn down the school just to get in was going to just _give up_ after being thrown out _once_!! That's only _one_ of the stupidest things to come out of your mouth tonight!" I went off on him.

Crowley opened his mouth to retort, but Grim butted in, "She's right! You should be thanking me anyhow! I exterminated the ghost problem!" -that was probably pushing it a little- "Be grateful!"

That seemed to throw Crow Man for a loop.

"Huh? What do you mean by that?"  
  


_Please tell me he isn't really and truly that incompetent._

We explained the past, who truly knew at this point, however long ago that fight was to him. While we did that, I also took the food from him and moved us to the dining table to eat what he brought. I decided to give a small portion to Grim. A part in thanks for helping and another in the fact that I didn't think I could eat it all because I had already had one dinner today.

He held his chin in one of his hands. Presumably thinking about what we just told him.

After a minute or two he finally spoke up, "Now that you mention it, some prankster ghosts were living here so the students keep away from this dormitory and that's why it's now empty. I'd forgotten about that."

There is so much to unpack there. I'm way too over all of this to do so, though.

"Howeverrr... hmm... For you two to work together to get rid of them..."

Please tell me this world works on the 'magic of friendship' bullshit that every other fictional world does. Why is he so surprised that we worked together in a crisis? Is that not normal?

_For the love of God, why does everything have to be against me?_

"Don't think I'm going to overlook that 'together' comment! She was just standing there watching. And I did this for a can of tuna!"

_THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE??? And what is my supper? Chopped liver?? I think not._

The food really was quite good. I'm curious as to where he got it. 

"Ah! I haven't gotten my tuna yet!"

"I gave you part of my supper, you damned brat!"

Crowley ignored both of us as he does with his responsibilities apparently.

"I'd like the two of you to show me how you exterminated those ghosts.

"But we already got rid of all the ghosts!"

"Besides," I chimed in, "I don't know if we actually got rid of them for good or not in the first place. And I'd rather not find out otherwise."

"Before all that: Give. Me. Tuna!"

_This cat really has a one-track mind. Maybe he really should be in this school._

"I shall be the ghosts. If you beat me, I'll give you tuna cans. For I am gracious."

I snorted at the last part.

_And did he say GHOSTS, as in plural? What the hell is he going to do, the Shadow Clone Jutsu? And how will he become a ghost?_

"What about me, huh? What if I refuse to help out again."

He looked at me and thought deeply.

"You said earlier that you were getting further schooling to become a teacher, yes?"

Where was he going with this?

"Yeah..."

"If you comply with my wish, I shall, graciously, allow you to be a Teacher's Aid for Divus for one of his class periods every day so you may get some in person education about the profession."

_That's not the worst offer I've ever been given._

"What's the catch?"

He smirked. "We can discuss that after you've proven your capabilities. After all, Divus is a notoriously strict teacher. If I don't think you can handle it, I won't let you do so."

"Bet. You're on motherfucker."

"Transformation Potion!!" he shouted as he chugged a vial of the potion.

_They've got polyjuice potions that can change you into the dead here? How the fuck does one think of making that?_

"Eeeehhh? I don't wanna. This is a pain and I have to team up with her again..."

"You're right, you're right. Why waste time trying to get rewards like free food, or even a chance into a prestigious college when I can just beat you up and feed you your own tail like I did last time?" I threatened with a smile on my face.

Grim sweatdropped but still tried to save his dignity with, "Hmm... This is the last time! You absolutely, absolutely have to give me tuna after this!"

"Yeah, yeah. That's what Birdbrain said he would do anyway, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment Responses!
> 
> To Your_Truly_This_Master: It makes me so happy to see someone else enjoy this just as much as I am. I'm glad these don't feel annoying. It's just after I post them they seem super long and so my anxiety starts to act up. 
> 
> We love to see it. The closet isn't uncomfortable AT ALL, right? (LOL, jk. you ain't gotta answer. I already know it) But as soon as I get my degree I'm fucking off asap. I'll keep in contact with maybe 3 people from before college.
> 
> I'm mostly a main story bitch so everything I know outside of that is from fanfics. But I am planning on giving events like Ghost Marriage, and any Birthdays their own story. I'll do them in between the main story chapters in random order. They'll all be canon with the main story and will mostly be to flesh out relationships and such. I'm not too sure on when each event occurs within the game timeline canonically, but I have been told that Ghost Marriage is after Chapter 5, so I'm going to do that one and Ace's Birthday event before starting Chapter 1 of the game. Also, I will make a story that's just a compilation of her streams. I don't have a REAL reason to do so. I just like organizing things and get a bit particular about what I put where. It just seems easier in case someone just wants one thing and not another. They don't just have to skip over a large section and get bored.
> 
> To Shadowhope: Lily is 50% sass, so she won't be running low on any of that. I am planning on making them a gaming and music streamer, so maybe. I was thinking earlier of her doing a 'music video' with the ghosts and maybe some of the other cast for when we get around Halloween in the story. Grim would get away with calling Lily a 'minion' exactly once. And it would be because they weren't expecting it. So more than likely they'll be 'promoted' to 'bodyguard'. (*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*)
> 
> To weeb_ass: Here's the update! I hope you're satisfied until the next one. Unless you never are, lol.
> 
> To Tomboywolf201: You RE-read this!?! I knew you guys like this, but not that much. I'm glad you like Lily. You are right in the fact that they aren't too big on what they're defined as. If you've noticed in the comments I generally switch between what pronouns I use for her. I just go with what I'm feeling like at that moment. There does need to be more dad Crewel in fanfics instead of dad Crowley. It's just always felt like Crewel genuinely cares more about the MC than Crowley. Crowley gives off more Dumbledore vibes to me. So... yeah. Also, comment as much as you want. That's why I make these long ass A/N's. I want you guys to tell me your thoughts on this and even share ideas on what you might want to see in the fic. Most of those will probably end up in the 'streams' when we get to those, just so you know.


	7. The in-game title for this is "Warm-Hearted Principal" and I just wanted to share my disgust at that sentiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY IMPORTANT!!! PLEASE READ!!!
> 
> HEY!!! I am so bored during this break. SO, in light of that, I have determined to write for this fanfic during my time. If you check the description for this series you'll notice a few things:  
> 1) that I have no free time (we been knew this though)  
> 2) I have thought this series out quite a lot  
> 3) I have GREAT naming abilities
> 
> But for real. I have a lot of things that I want to post for you guys, but I am terrible with schedules. I was wondering if you guys would be ok with, instead of me just posting like every Friday or something like that, if setting like a Kudo/comment goal would be ok. I would prefer to put a comment goal instead of something else because I really love hearing from you guys. Depending on the response from this chapter I'll post the next one with the verdict.
> 
> Love you guys lots! Enjoy!
> 
> Credits to Shel_BB for the translations

Grim and I were panting as if we would never be able to breathe again.

_That was SO much harder than the actual ghosts. Thank god, I don't have asthma. I might literally pass out instead of feeling like it._

"Huh... haa... How was that?" Grim asked.

"I can't believe it... there is a person who can command monsters," Crowley said.

_Stupid say what?? What are you smoking to where ANY of that fight seemed like I was COMMANDING that mongrel? Did you hear how many empty promises I made just then? You are soooo lucky that I'm too out of breath to speak._

"Hmm..." Stupidmaster started, "Actually, my teacher-senses were telling me since the uproar during the ceremony that you have talent as an animal or wild beast trainer. But...no matter how..." he started trailing off.

I barely other myself enough to softly murmur, "The amount of bullshit I'm hearing, right now."

I finally stood up fully, no longer feeling as though a simple breeze will push me over.

"If you think I'm such a 'Beast Tamer' than can I keep the cat?-"

"For the last time, I am not a cat!"

"Because if those ghosts come back, which I'm more than certain they will, I can't exactly stop them. The only thing that was working on them earlier was the raccoon's fireballs."

"You..."

"What? A monster? Well, I guess it can't be helped. Fine."

"Realy?!" Grim exclaimed.

_Where's the catch?_

"However, I simply can't allow someone, let alone a monster, into the school who wasn't selected by the Dark Mirror. Also, I can't let you be a freeloader here until you return to your own world."

_There it is! Ever the predictable one, eh, Birdbrain?_

_On another note. The number of problems and flaws right there are innumerable. Really. How are you in charge of things here?!_

"Well, that was short lived..." Grim sighed dejectedly.

I nodded my head in agreement. "You really do know how to break a girl's heart, Crow Man."

He just looked so done at both of us.

"Could you _please_ just listen to me all the way for once? I wasn't finished."

_Heehee. I love making people beg. It's so fun!_

"Concerning the fact that your soul was called here-" kidnapped, that's the real word here, "the school takes responsibility as the owners of the Dark Mirror."

_No...? Shit? Was this ever in question. You kidnapped me. I would sure as fuck hope you would._

"For the time being you'll be permitted to stay in the dormitory for free. But, other necessities you will have to provide for yourself."

_That's!.... Actually not that bad. Don't know how I'd do that just yet, but not really a dumb idea. I'm impressed._

A wicked grin grew on his face.

_Oh no._

"Seeing as you have nothing to your name... haha, here is my proposition."  
  


"I have a bad feeling about this..."

Crowley had the audacity, the _AUDACITY_ , to look affronted. Sir! The only thing affronting looking thing here is your face! And I can't even see it!

"Now, now. No need to fret, I'll have you do maintenance and odd jobs around campus. From what I can see, you're pretty decent at cleaning. Would you two like to become the 'handyman' of the school? This way you'll receive special permission to remain on school grounds. You'll also be able to do research on going home or to study whatever you desire in the library. For I am gracious. However! Only after your work is done."

Grim, the baby that he is, decided that no. That was not going to be the plan because ' _I am a lazy cat baby who can't do work. God forbid I actually have to do some menial labor for once._ ' That was the gist of it.

Crowley in response has done the only sane thing he's done this entire night: threaten to throw Grim out again. Would it work? Maybe for three seconds. Would it be funny? Hell yes. Always gotta do it for the vine.

That shut Grim up REAL quick.

"What about my TA thing. How's that gonna work?"

"Hm? Ah, yes that. Nothing more than new students figuring out where their classes and homerooms are is what'll be happening on the first day. I would like you to supervise Grim tomorrow, you've shown you're quite capable of that, and before the third period every day. During that time you will help Divus in any way he needs and then you may go back to helping Grim or if you _are_ finished, then you may do as you please, as we've already discussed."

"Does Crewel know about this?" I asked.

"He will tomorrow. I don't believe he'll mind too terribly much. You left quite the impression on him today."

That, actually made me kind of happy. Cool.

"I can work with that."

"Marvelous! Now that we've worked everything out. You two! Starting tomorrow, endeavor to be the best handyman at Night Raven College!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Response Time!
> 
> To Yours_Truly_This_Master: First off: mood. Secondly: I feel like I made the angst tag a bigger deal in the top A/N bc I wrote that in the middle of the scene and I didn't know how much I was going to put in. I'm glad you're having a riot! I like religiously check AO3 for when it updates my story to check for responses like these.


	8. I Get a Spectral Wake Up Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far no one has told me one way or the other, so IDK. I may just set a Like Goal and upload that way but I'm still going to wait until the next chapter before I finally make a decision.
> 
> (Does anyone read these anyway?)
> 
> Also, I made a Tumblr blog for this fic called 'Why Weebs Shouldn't be Isekai'd-verse' by Ace-of-Hearta. Check it out for more. I already posted a "Get-to-know-the-ship" post and plan on doing more with it. Like maybe make it an ask blog or something. Be sure to check it out though!
> 
> Credit to Shel_BB for the translation

"Eeehheee..." An ominous laugh sounded nearby, "Don't you two have to be up to clean the school?"

Grim mumbled a reply out. "Five more minutes..."

"Laze about too long and you'll never wake up again," a different voice said.

A third voice also joined in, "Just like us! Eeee, hee hee!"

Grim jolted awake, "What?! It's those ghosts again!" He turned and started shaking me awake. "Wake up, ya dumb human!"

I jumped slightly and woke up.

"What? Who? Oh."

"What do you mean oh? The ghosts are back!"

"I can see that Grim. But, I even said last night that they probably would. It's not that big of a surprise."

"Oho?" one of the ghosts said, "Are you all going to be living here? You're gonna get pranked. Kekeke!" he cackled.

"Shoot. We'll get rid of you eventually!"

_They don't really seem that bad, really. No more than anyone else I've met here. Quite honestly, probably the nicest I've been treated since getting here._

_That's sad, now that I think about it._

"Good morning, you two. Did you sleep well?" a _very_ familiar voice called out.

_Can't I at least go a few conscious hours without him near?_

"I was all sprawled out then I fell out the bottom! Just how ramshackle did you let this place get?" Grim moaned about.

_Did that really happen?! Did I sleep through that?_

_Not that surprised really. The dorm could've actually been on fire and I would've slept through it. When I actually sleep that is._

"Then the ghosts woke me up, this is the worst!"

"I have no idea about any of that," I said gesturing to grim, "But the apocalypse could have come and gone last night and I would've continued sleeping, so. Take that as you will." I shrugged afterward.

Crowley turned to me, "Even though you just got tossed over from another world you still can be cheeky, wonderful! I came to speak to you about your work today."

"Kay. Let me get ready first and we can talk downstairs."

* * *

Grim and I stood before Birdbrain in the lounge.

"Today you are to clean the campus... But the campus is quite large. Cleaning it all without magic would be impossible. So I'd like you to clean Main Street from the main gate to the library. Understood?"

"Sir, yes sir." I mock saluted him.

I think I saw his lip twitch upwards, but it was quickly gone. He suddenly got very serious.

"Please watch Grim closely so he doesn't cause a scene like yesterday. I'm counting on you."

I looked at him a little weirdly.

_Did I miss something here? What's with the personality switch?_

"I'll do my best."

"You have permission to have lunch in the school cafeteria," and now we're back to Birdbrain, "Take care of your work enthusiastically."

He turned and walked away.

Grim crossed his arms and started pouting, "Tsk... No way am I doing any cleaning. I wanna go to class and, bang! Boom, boom, boom! Use a bunch of awesome spells~"

_Something tells me that's not the way classes actually are here._

"You'll be fine. We can study in the library after cleaning, okay? For now, let's go to campus.

Grim continued muttering as we went out the door.

_Why do I have a bad feeling about this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment Responses!
> 
> To Yours_Truly_This_Master: I know I didn't put a lot of chaos, but there definitely will be in the next few chapters. Also, your hatred for Crowley is absolutely hilarious.
> 
> To Silver_Infinity: Thank you for the support!


	9. Everyone's Favorite Part of Every Story: Exposition!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Shel_BB for the translation

We finally arrived at Main Street. There wasn't anything special about it other than these seven statues that adorned the walkway. There were four on one side and three on the other.

"Woowww! Amazing!" Grim said in awe, "So this is Main Street. I didn't get a good look yesterday, but what's with these statues? All seven of them look pretty scary."

_I wouldn't say scary. More like familiar._

I narrowed my eyes slightly.

_But why is it familiar?_

"This granny looks especially snobby," Grim said gesturing towards one of the statues. It was one of a very, admittedly snobby, regal looking woman. She wore a very big ballgown-y, ballroom-esque dress. She had a tiny crown on her head and holding onto a heart-shaped mirror? I think it's supposed to be a mirror, maybe a wand. _Maybe if I had GLASSES I could see shit_. She was also had a whole bunch of roses, thorns and all, around her feet.

"You don't know about the Queen of Hearts?" A mysterious voice said behind us.

I spun around on my heels and looked at him. He had red hair, but not as deep red as the other guy from the ceremony, and _certainly_ not as short. He looked about 5'8". He also had some kind of red stuff on his face, but I have no clue what that's about.

"Queen of Hearts? Is she important?" Grim questioned.

"In the past, she was the queen who lived in the Rose Maze. She was someone who valued rules and discipline above all, strict in all things from the march of the Card Soldiers to the color of the rose bushes. It was a land of madness where all submit to her rule. Why you ask?? Because it was off with your head!" he explained.

"That's terrifying!" Grim screamed.

_And suspiciously helpful._

I eyed him warily.

"It's cool. I like it. Nobody would like a queen who's just nice all the time, right?"

I decided to just let Grim take the lead on this. See if I could figure out what he's up to.

"I suppose. A strong leader is better. By the way, who are you?"

"I'm Ace. A fresh-faced the first year. Nice to meetcha!"

"I'm Grim. A genius who'll become the greatest magician. This dimwit is Lily. She's my henchman."

I turned, glared at him, and grabbed him by his collar. 

"I. Am. Not. Your. Henchman. Call me whatever you want, but I am not below you, or will ever be. Got it?"

He flinched and nodded his head.

I nodded as well and let him go.

"Hey, Ace!" Grim gracefully segwayed, "The lion over there with the scar, are they famous?"

Ace took the bait.

"Of course!" he said gesturing to another statue.

This one was of a lion on top of what I'm assuming is supposed to be the peak of somewhere, looking tall and proud. He did indeed have a scar over one of his eyes and what I am going to imagine is a very fluffy mane. 

"This is the King of the Beasts who rules the Savannah. However, he was not born to be king, but he took the throne through effort and elaborate planning. After becoming king, he even allowed the loathed hyenas to live in his kingdom without discrimination."

"Oooh. I guess he was a rock not held captive by his status."

_I am getting a lot of vibes of history being written by the victors. I get the feeling that these stories have a lot more to them than that Ace guy is telling me._

"Who's the lady with the octopus legs?" Grim said turning to the next statue. This one was of an octopus mermaid holding a piece of paper. I couldn't read what was on it so I didn't know why she would be holding one in the first place. She also had a very smug look on her face.

"The Sea Witch who lives in a cavern in the deep. Her purpose was to help all the unfortunate merfolk. As long as you could pay the price she could transform you, help you find love, anything. If it was within her power there wasn't anything she wouldn't do. They say that her prices were pretty high, though. That's what it costs for 'anything'."

_That bitch scammed people 100%. If she didn't then I'll eat my left shoe. Also, I guess that the paper is a contract. Go figure._

"Nyaaa ha! So what you're saying is that is I can get rich if I become a great magician?! What about this man with a big hat?"

We turned our gazes to the next one. This one was of an actual human man. He seemed to be very tall and thin based on the statue. He had a wide smile on his face and was holding a cobra-headed scepter or staff.

"The Sorcerer of the Sand. He was a cunning vizier to a foolish sultan and saw through the fake prince that was also a street rat trying to deceive the princess. Then he got a magic lamp and became the most powerful sorcerer of all! With that power, they say that he became the sultan."

"Hoho! So magicians need to be the center of attention!"

_Where the fuck did that come from? Where in that story did you get that??_

"Oooh! That lady sure is beautiful!"

I could beg to differ with Grim about that one. She looked ok, but I've seen better. And maybe it's just the statue, but she really just looked... meh. The statue was of a woman wearing a headdress thingy with a crown over it, showing only her face. She wore a slim gown with a cloak on her shoulders and was holding a weird apple(?) in her hand. Her stance just screamed that she was expecting someone to throw themselves at her feet. Maybe that was why I didn't like her.

"She is the Beautiful Queen. Every day she checked the 'beauty ranking' in her magic mirror."

_Insecure much?_

"And when it looked like she might fall from the number one spot, she never hesitated to do anything to get it back. I guess she had the strong will to remain the most beautiful in the world? So freaking amazing. They even say she was adept at making poisons."

_Definitely killed some bitches._

"She's pretty... but no thanks..."

"You think so? But it's cool that she has something she'll never give up."

"Sure, that single-minded drive is pretty cool. Over there, what's with the guy on fire? Just looking at him gives me goosebumps."

Now I know that I and Grim probably wouldn't agree on much, to begin with. But this just cemented it for me. I thought this motherfucker looked cool as shit. He had what I think was supposed to mimic the fire coming off his finger as his hair, which I'm assuming meant that his real hair was also made of fire. Which is super cool. Then he was wearing this toga get-up with a skull pin to keep it in place. He looked like he was very much a smartass.

"Lord of the Underworld! He rules a land crawling with evil spirits on his own. No doubt he is extremely skilled."

_Is he saying that's Hades? Badass. I am ok with precisely 1 of these people so far._

"Even though he's got a scary face, he did that detestable job without a vacation and his sincerity won over Cereberus-" _puppy!_ "the hydra, even the titans to fight for him."

_???? Since when did Hades fight anyone?? You know what, a different world, different rules._

"Hm, hm. So even though you have talent, you shouldn't be haughty," Grim said.

_Again, don't know how we got here, but at least we got a correct thought._

"And the last one, with horns?"

This one. Now, this lady I would call beautiful. She had curved horns on her head and wore an elegant, high-collard coat where the ends of it seemed to loosely mimic feathers. She also had a staff in her hand. 

"That is the Witch of Thornsfromthe Magic Mountains. Noble and elegant, even within the Seven she was top class in curses and magic! She can control lightning and storms, cover an entire country in thorns, her magic is on a whole other level. There was even a time she transformed into a huge dragon!"

_We've upped the ok list to two people._

"Ooh! A dragon! All monsters look up to them!"

_As they should!_

"They're all so cool!~, unlike a certain raccoon," Ace said with a smirk.

_I knew something like this was coming._

I sighed, expecting this to go bad.

* * *

HI! I don't know how to link things in the notes so I'm going to leave a link to my blog for this fic-verse [here.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ace-of-hearta)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment Response!
> 
> To Otaku_of_Anime_23: I am so glad someone remembered the glasses! I focus a bit more on it here than I usually do, but still! It will come up eventually it's just Lily hasn't really had a chance to bring it up and if she has there have been a lot more important things going on. Or they've just forgotten. But good on you for remembering that little detail. I decided to go that way so I wasn't having to describe characters that we already knew super well all over again and to, admittedly, use that as a cop-out for me missing any details in the narrative so far.


	10. I About Throw Hands With a Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Shel_BB for translation
> 
> Go check out my Tumblr for this as well bc I will be posting a schedule and things after I get done with the prologue.

_~Previously in the Last Episode~_

_"Ooh! A dragon! All the monsters look up to them!"_

_As they_ _should!_

_"They're so cool~!" Ace said with a smile, "...Unlike a certain raccoon."_

_~Flashback End~_

"Fgna!" Grim said in shock.

_I wish I had taken a bet against someone. I would be rolling in dough at the moment._

Ace started to burst out into laughter, "I can't bear it anymore! Aren't you the guys who went crazy during the ceremony?"

He pointed at me, "You were summoned by the Dark Mirror, even though you can't use magic," then he pointed at Grim, "and you, monster, weren't called but still trespassed! I could barely hold myself back at the ceremony."

"Wha? You're a rude one!" Grim shouted.

"Calm down, furball," I said and turned to Ace, "You done, though? I've got shit to do and I was only told to babysit one toddler today while cleaning up."

That only seemed to amuse him more.

"How can you still act so tough when you're _still_ not allowed here _and_ a janitor! How lame."

Grim started growling, but Ace just kept going.

"On top of that, you don't even know about the Great Seven? How ignorant can you be? I recommend you go back to kindergarten before going to Night Raven College."

Ok. Now I'm mad.

I punched him in the face.

"Listen, since apparently, you were too busy laughing last night to do so beforehand, but I'm not from _here_! As in, not from this world! I have _nowhere_ left to go asshole. You've gotten your shits and giggles in, you can go and fuck off!"

"I thought I'd just mess with you a bit but you really blew my expectations away," he said cradling his jaw. "Unlike you two, I have classes to attend. Keep the school squeaky clean."

"This jerk! He's just going to say that and walk off?!" Grim said.

"Tough talk for a punk who can't take a punch!" I yelled.

"I'm pissed!" Grim shouted before launching a fireball at Ace.

Ace looked shocked and screamed out, "Hey! Watch it! What do you think you're doing?"

I yanked Grim back by his tail.

"Are you deranged?! I know he's an asshole but that doesn't give you the right to kill him!"

_I wish it did._

"It's what he gets for making fun of me!" he said the next part to Ace, "I'm gonna light up that fire-head of yours!"

"You are fucking not!" I screamed. The audacity of this cat!

"Fire-head, huh? You've got a lot of nerve to pick a fight with me. You too, I'll turn you into a puffy, little toy-poodle," he said squaring up.

"Are you _both_ mentally deficient?! Don't actually start a fight!"

Grim seemed to back off a little. Seems as if I had finally scared him enough.

Ace turned to me, "Shut up, bitch! If you don't wanna get caught up in this just run off and cry in the corner! You seemed to do that pretty well in the ceremony."

_This bastard is about to learn why people say, 'Hell hath no fury than like a woman scorned.'_

"GRIM!" he turned to me, "Light this fucker up brighter than the sun." He smiled and launched a huge fireball at Ace.

"Uh-oh, gotta watch out for that," he taunted, "Take this!" He shot a mini tornado of air at the fireball, throwing off the trajectory of it.

_Shit! Of course, he had to have wind magic!_

"This guy is blowing wind all over the place! My fire gets all twisted up!"

Grim kept fighting the guy but I noticed we were drawing in a bit of a crowd. Not good. I didn't recognize anyone in the crowd either. I don't really know if that was a good thing or not, but at least that meant Birdbrain wasn't here... yet.

"Hurry up, fireball, before we get in trouble!"

"What's happening? A fight?" I heard a guy off to my side ask.

Another one cheered on, "Yeah! get them!"

_Oh, come on. At least feign responsibility and attempt to stop this. Not that I have ANY room to talk._

"A flimsy fire like that won't hurt me!"

"What? You better be ready! Eat this!" 

And he hurled _another_ fireball. And Ace, _again_ , made another mini-tornado. 

_Do these two know how to do anything else? Like seriously. I've seen toddlers get into more entertaining fights. At least insult each other better._

"And just like that... I changed the direction of your fireball!"

It _did_ get more entertaining. Sadly, not in a good way. I guess that you _could_ argue that there was no way for this to get better in any sense. You wouldn't be wrong. I don't think anyone was expecting a statue to go up in flames, though, Someone should have, considering where we were. This is probably a good example of tunnel vision and what they mean by 'seeing red'. (It would later be remembered as this being ironic considering that the statue was the Queen of Hearts and the events that transpired later on.)

"AHHH! The Queen of Hearts' statue is charred!" Ace yelled out.

"How did none of us see that happening?" I questioned aloud, but more towards myself.

"It's because you kept redirecting my fire. Just let me fry ya!" Grim said.

I looked at him incredulously. "Please tell me you aren't actually that dumb. Who the fuck would do that?!"

"Yeah!," Ace said, "You really think someone would really just let you fry them?"

"Enough! Just what is going on here!" an angry voice shouted behind us.

_Goddamnit!_

"H-Headmaster..." Ace trailed off.

Grim darted his eyes around. "Quick! Runaway before he gets us with his 'Lash-of-Love'!" No sooner had that left his mouth did said 'lash' appear around his neck. And Ace's.

_How the fuck?? He's not using two? You know what I'm just gonna shop this up to magic bullshit and leave it there._

"Ah! Hurts just as much the second day in a row!" Grim cried.

"Were you expecting it to not? I am so confused," I said.

"This is my 'Lash-of-Love'! It'll be another hundred years before someone can outrun me," he turned to me, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I told you to keep both you and Grim out of trouble. Why then is one of the statues of the Great Seven charred?!"

I pointed at Ace in a desperate attempt to shift blame. "He started it!" I cried out like a child.

Crowley was not impressed. Depression.

"I would very much like to expel you-" Crow Man started.

"No! Not that!" Ace called out.

Crowley turned to me, "And what do you have to say for yourself?"

I looked down crossing my arms in front of my chest. I hated having to apologize, but there wasn't much I could say in my defense. I was supposed to be responsible.

"...Sorry." I begrudgingly said.

He just sighed and turned to Ace. "My goodness... What's your name and grade?"

"Ace Trappola, first year."

"Then, Ace, Grim, Lily, you three are to meet up after classes are done and clean one hundred windows on campus as punishment!"

"What?! Me too?"

"All that because this joker was making fun of us?"

"He's right Birdbrain! This Ace guy started this!"

He turned to me and pointed, "You threw the first punch! Literally!"

"Most definitely! It doesn't matter who started what!" Crowley said, stepping in before things escalated again, "You three are to meet in the cafeteria! And you, Trappola, are to see the nurse about that bruise before classes. You should do so quickly, classes are to start soon. Understood?"

"Fine..." Ace sighed out.

"...Yes sir."

"Nothing but misery since yesterday," Grim wailed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment Responses!
> 
> To Your_Truly_This_Master: I love that you got an unexpected chapter out of this. I generally don't do double updates bc I like waiting for some comments to come in first and AO3 had told me it had been a couple of days since I updated so I did so again. I did accidentally upload chapter 9 with chapter 10's title and I thought that was what you were talking about until I saw that you had commented that under chapter 8. About Lily not recognizing the villains? Well... I have left a clue or two as to why that may be. You'll just have to read and find out.


	11. I'm Not Dead! (Yet...) (NOT A CHAPTER BTW)

HEYYYYYYYY GUYS, GALS, AND NON-BEANY PALS!!!!! ( _Pls don't kill me_!)

OK! Few things I wanna tell you guys before I post the next chap. ( _No this isn't me saying I'm stopping the series_.)

1) I know it's been a while since I last posted anything and I'm sorry. I was finally done with my first college semester and with the holidays, me hyperfixating on Black Clover for a bit, and just a bit of writer's block... I just couldn't find the time or energy to post. But fear not! I am back baby! And here to stay for at least the rest of this first part of my universe that I said I would make. Won't lie though, I'll probably take another break before I post anything more for my main story for a bit after this. I may post a few things like one of the event side stories or a bday fic for either one of the characters or my MC. So be sure to check and see when I post those after this.

2) I have an outline! (kind of) I have an idea of how this will go and I'm definitely throw in some more OC's and give some more spotlight to some of the side characters. ( _Wait until you see how I have Lily meet Cheeka, hahaha_!!!)

**Shameless Plug!!!**

3) I have a Tumblr for this and I definitely plan to use it more so be sure to follow that. I have like 2 posts up at the moment but there'll be more. If you have any requests or asks about characters specifically I'll answer on there as well. It's called Why Weebs shouldn't be isekai'd-verse by me! ace-of-hearta. 

4) I'm actually pretty proud of this fic?! This is weird because normally I hate everything I write. But like... the support I came back to see?! And my writing didn't really make me cringe!? (I cringe a little at everything I write just a little) HELLO?? What is this?! I'm not complaining though.

**Comment Responses!!!!**

To Yours_Truly_This_Master: I've missed you. I always look forward to u=your comments because you never fail to comment on every chapter and they always make me laugh. And I'm glad I cleared that up for you. 

To Otaku_of_Anime_23: He did deserve that punch and I plan on doing so more in the future. _I don't have aggression issues, you do._

To Sanbluer: I'm glad I've fulfilled your TW fantasy of decking Ace. Lily will treasure your heart greatly but they would also like you to take it back. Affection is weird.


	12. Why Must Everyone Make My Life So Difficult?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Shel_BB for the translation.
> 
> Guys... I am such a dumbass. I somehow misordered the chapters and it hella confused me. LOL
> 
> Also I generally write these while watching livestreams.
> 
> When I get done with the Prologue I'll probably go back and make some minor edits to the story because I was rereading some of it and noticed I left out some words here and there.

Grim and I spent the rest of our time cleaning Main Street. It took all the way until lunchtime before we were done. We were starving afterward but there was one problem. We didn't know where the cafeteria was.

"So... Do you know where the cafeteria is?" I asked.

"No, I don't," he said petulantly.

"Well," I said looking around the courtyard that we went to take a break at, "Who looks the nicest and/or friendliest? We gotta get directions somehow."

"Tsk! The Great Grim doesn't need help from anyone! Follow me-" he noticed my glare, "...bodyguard? Yeah, someone as great as me doesn't need to fight everyone beneath me! That's what you can be."

I nodded my head in acceptance.

"Whatever, just so long as you can get me to food."

"Follow me, bodyguard!"

* * *

We did eventually get to the cafeteria and it seemed that we hit right during rush hour. There were hundreds of guys in line.

"This food better be the _best_ damn food I've _ever_ eaten for the amount of anxiety I'm getting from just being in this room," I muttered to myself.

The line moved fast for how long it was. Grim wanted an exorbitant amount of food and so I had to carry both his and my own food. We sat at a random, surprisingly empty, table. We had barely started eating before people decided to join us at our table.

It was two guys. They both seemed kinda tall, definitely taller than myself. The shorter now was a ginger, but unlike the first two gingers I met, he was the tallest and had a more orange hue to his hair. He also had a red spot underneath one of his eyes that I couldn't tell what it was. His compatriot was just slightly taller and had green hair. He also had a mark underneath one of his eyes but this one was black and partially hidden by his glasses. 

_I really need to remember to ask for a pair of those._

I looked at them as I finished taking a bite of my food, "Can we help you?"

The ginger spoke up first, "Hi! I'm Cater Diamond and this is my friend Trey Clover! We were hoping we could sit with you. You know you two have barely been here a full day and everyone is already talking about you guys!"

My eyes widened and I blinked. Ok? What is he wanting?

"Are you going to give us an award? Like, what's your point?"

He seemed taken aback. "Well, nothing really. I just thought it'd be something you wanted to know..."

"Cater didn't mean anything by it," guy-in-green said.

I looked at them slightly confused, "Alright? Why are you guys getting so defensive? I was just confused."

They both seemed to relax a bit. 

"Well, you see," the dude who's name I can't remember but has orange hair started, "part of the rep you, in particular, have gained is being... violent, to put it lightly. Not many people are too keen on associating with you."

"First," I said holding up a finger, "who the fuck uses the word 'keen'? And second, why are you here then?"

"Never judge a book by its cover, as they say."

"You know, the whole point of covers is to show what's inside. What if I'm exactly as everyone thinks?" I said with a smirk.

They all seemed to tense up again. Even Grim.

I started laughing.

"You guys seem so scared! What do you think I'm going to do? Kill you? Geez, it was a joke."

The orange dude let out a weak chuckle.

My smile weakened. "Listen if you don't like dark humor or if I went too far, just tell me. I won't get mad."

"Yeah, sorry. It was just a bit weird."

"Okay, fine."

"Anyway, what's with the markings on both of your faces?"

We're just gonna speed past my awkwardness.

"Yeah," Grim shouted, "It looks like the one on the bastard's, Ace's, face."

The greenette- _is that a word? Is that a word here?_ \- finally spoke up, "These are card symbols. Mine is a club, Cater's is a diamond, and I don't know what Ace has, but it's a tradition among those in Heartslabyul. The only one who does have a card symbol is the Dorm Leader."

"Dorm Leader?" Grim asked.

"Cater, Trey. What are you two doing over here?" a new voice asked. 

I looked behind the both of them to see a short, red-head behind them. He seemed a bit familiar. Have I seen him before?

"Little Red! Your one of the dudes from last night!" I shouted.

He startled a bit. 

"I am indeed. My name, however, is Riddle Rosehearts. I am the Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul. I see you've already met Trey and Cater."

"Yep! Why don't you join us? There's plenty of room here."

"If that's all right with you."

For awhile we had a pleasant, albeit a bit awkward conversation. Until Ace came up.

"That guy's so rude! I can't believe they let a guy like that into here!" Grim ranted.

"To be fair they let the both of us in here, so like they obviously don't care about personality," I said.

"What do you mean? What happened?" The orange haired one asked. Who, as I found out, is quite the gossiper.

"Well, me and my bodyguard here were minding our own business, cleaning Main Street,"Grim started, "Then out of nowhere Ace shows up. We thought-" " _He_ thought," I cut in.

" _I_ thought he was pretty cool at first since he was helping us out, explaining who the Great Seven were-"

"You didn't know who the Great Seven were?!" Diamond Boy said.

"Can I finish my story?!"

I raised my hand, " _I_ am from a legit different world where not even magic exists, muchless the 'Great Seven," I said making quotations around "Great Seven", "And _he's_ a literal cat monster. How the fuck would we know who they are?"

"I remember the Dark Mirror saying something about that last night. Something about 'the place you desire does not exist' or something like that," he said in an imitation of someone's voice. Is he imitating the 'Dark Mirror'?

"I don't really remember anything from last night really. You could tell me that just about anything went down and I'd believe you."

That got me some looks.

The glasses guy seemed most concerned, "You can't remember anything? Why?"

"I didn't say I couldn't remember _anything_ last night, just a lot of it. I can remember Grim, Crowley, and I can vaguely recall when Crowley took me into the library. Other than that it's a bit of a blur. I can recognize some people like Little Red if I see them again, but otherwise I can't remember anyone else. I guess I repressed the memories of that night."

"Wait!" Grim shouted, "Do you remember stuffing my tail in my mouth?!"

"Kind of. More like if you and/or Crowley were around or talking to me I can remember that I did something but not the details of it. Like, I can remember that I did somehow stop you last night but not how. Or, for another example, I can remember yelling at Crowley, but not what I said or why."

"So you don't remember flirting and fighting with Leona Kingscholar?" Orange Diamond asked.

"Who is that? No. I flirted with someone? Are you sure?"

"It seemed that way to the rest of us who were watching you," Little Red said.

"Weird."

"What's weird is the fact you can't remember anything," Glasses told me.

"Ah, don't worry about it. It'll be fiinnee. Besides, I apparently earned a badass rep out of it. If it can keep people away I'm not complaining. Most are annoying as fuck anyway."  
  


Little Red started to say something but was interrupted by the bell.

"I guess lunch is over with guys. Me and Grim'll be heading out now."

"Yeah, how about we continue this tomorrow? This was fun!" Diamond questioned.

I looked at Grim and shrugged. 

"Of course, who wouldn't want to spend time with the Great Grim!"

* * *

"I'm already beat from cleaning all day... Now we have to clean a hundred windows, too..." Grim complained.

"Well, we sort of deserve it. We did torch a statue."

"That Ace guy sure is taking his sweet time. Who does he think he is, making me wait! I'm pissed!"

We sat there waiting for what felt like hours. I know it wasn't but it sure felt like it.

"...Okay! That's it! I don't care what happened, this is to late! Wait, he wouldn't just skip out right?!"

"What do you mean? Of course he would."

I'm notgoing to let him get away with putting all the punishment on us! Let's go bodyguard! We'll make Ace do all the washing!"

I sighed. 

_This isn't going to end well. I can feel it. I agree with Grim for once ,though._

* * *

We searched around for a little while before we ran across a classroom and Grim just barged in.

"Oraaa!" _When did Grim become a Jojo character?_ "Where's Ace? We're not going to let you hide away!... Ah? Nobody's here?"

"No, I'm here," came a voice from behind us. The both of us jumped and turned around. I only saw a painting behind us, though.

"THE PICTURE TALKED?!??!!" Grim shouted.

That's a thing here?! More and more this starts to feel like Harry Potter.

"What now? It's not at all strange for paintings to talk at this school. The Wall Lady over there, the Wall Gentleman over here, everyone can speak. Portraits can speak because they have a mouth. That's normal, you know?"

_I'm going to file that away for later. I'm sure plenty of people forget about that if it's such a norm._

"Well, in a sense yes. But having a mouth doesn't automatically mean you can speak, just like having eyes doesn't automatically mean you can see, There are plenty of mute and blind/people with terrible eyesight that exist. Besides, where I'm from portraits don't normally speak," I said.

"Your 'normal' and my 'normal' in regards of our quirks. Isn't that true?"

"Yes, but you shouldn't assume everyone is going to know or understand your 'normal' because they are most likely going to be using their 'normal' to perceive the world and react to it like we did."

"That aside, who are you looking for?" the portrait asked.

_Prick. Trying to dodge me like that for calling him out._

Grim jumped in, "This guy named Ace. He's got a heart mark on his face and hair that sticks up."

_There's no way the portrait know who that is. That's way to vague!_

"Ahh, I know him."

_What the fuck!_

"He's one of those freshmen that started today. He went back to his dorm not to long ago..."

_Of course he did. Goddamnit. Where are the dorms?_

"Wah! So he did try to get away! Which way did he go?"

"The entrance is behind the East Building."

"Come on! We're going after him!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment Responses!
> 
> To Azur2000: Yea, I don't plan on abandoning this at all, but I may take spontaneous breaks now and then. I'll try to tell you guys if I am or not.


	13. If I had a Nickle for Every Time I was in a Chase Scene... I'd have TWO Nickels, Which Isn't a lot but it's Weird That it Happened Twice, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!
> 
> Credits to Shel_BB for the translation.
> 
> I have a request and you don't have to do this immediately or even if you don't want to but I need some OC's and OC names. I have 2 OC's that I want to introduce later on that are both related to Malleus, but I don't know what to call them. One is Malleus's uncle and the other is Mal's nephew. (It'll make sense when I get there, like after CH 1) 
> 
> And then I'm thinking of having Lily join an RP server either in a DND sense like Critical Role way or in a gaming way like the Dream SMP. So I need people for them to interact with and/or just to be friends within the case that I scrap that idea.
> 
> So be thinking about that if you want.

Grim and I had tracked Ace into this weird hall place with a lot of mirrors everywhere. There were seven of them placed around and each of them had their own symbols above the archway around the mirrors.

"Hhhhheeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyoooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!" Grim shouted as we came upon Ace.

He jumped and turned around.

"Jerk! Hold up! I won't let you be the only one to escape!"

"What the fuck does that mean, furball!?" I demanded.

"I'm not going to wait around for you! I'm outta here!" Ace said continuing on his escape.

"It's not fair that only you get out of this! I don't want to do this either!"

"No one is getting out of shit! Are we all forgetting this was a direct punishment from the Headmaster?!? Seriously, does anyone have a _single_ brain cell left in them!"

Ace charged past a dude with blue hair in his attempt to get rid of me and Grim. I decided to get him into this as well.

"Yo! Get the redhead! Please! The dude's trying to get out of cleaning!"

He seemed surprised, "Magic to capture someone?! I should freeze their legs, should I restrain them?... Uhm..."

"It doesn't fucking matter so long as he's stopped!"

"Yeah," Grim piped in, "I don't care how, just hit him hard!"  
  


"Any way! Any way? Uh... EEE! Anything will work so come on! Something heavy!"

All of the sudden, with a literal poof, a black cauldron appeared above Ace's head and then immediately falling on him. It looked like it hurt. 

"What the heck? A pot?!

Serves him right.

"Check it out!" Grim laughed, "Ace is as flat as a pancake under that cauldron!"

"Are you ok?!" I asked in alarm. I hope he didn't get seriously injured. Why the fuck did he summon a cauldron??

"Why are ya worried about him?! He tried to ditch us!"

"That could've crushed his skull if it landed on him wrong! It could've crushed his spine and he'd be paralyzed! He doesn't deserve that all because he tried to skip out!"

Grim huffed at me.

The blue-haired dude started talking, "I didn't think I'd get a cauldron. Did I overdo it?"  
  


"Yes!" I screamed.

"Stop you're griping. I'm fine," Ace said, "But man does this hurt."

He cracked his neck as he was getting up from underneath there.

"You should be fine. Those 100 windows should be done in a flash."

"IN A FLASH?!?! First off, _maybe_ if I _also_ had magic, though I highly doubt it. Secondly, this is a direct punishment from the Headmaster. That's not something you can just get out of," I said.

"Washing 100 windows as punishment?... What all did you do?"

"I got into it a bit with that furball and that one over there. She got a good hit on me, I'll give her that much. And we might've charred the Queen of Hearts' statue a bit."

"You damaged one of the Great Seven's statues? That's definitely something people would get angry about," Blue said incredulously, "You get into a prestigious school and you do that on your first day..."

"Hey! Clifford over there started it!" I said.

"Shut up! Both of you! Who even are _you_ and what did you call me?!" Ace demanded.

"I called you Clifford! He's a big smelly mutt from where I'm from and he's got red fur all over him."

"You called me a what?!"

"I'm Deuce. Deuce Spade," the guy, Deuce, interrupted, "Would it kill you to remember your classmates' faces? Uhm... Clifford."

"You don't know my name either or you'd know my name's not Clifford!" He whirled on me, "Look at what you've started!"

"A-anyway!" Blue cut in again, "If you were ordered by the Headmaster you should take it seriously!"

"Yeah, yeah. Enough of the lecturing. Let's go do this already and get it over with. Nnn?"

I noticed something.

"Grim's been awfully quiet..." I looked around for him. "Where'd he go?!"

"The furball's gone!"

From a distance, I could see him heading to Main Street.

Grim smiled cheekily at us and winked. "I leave it to you then! Bye-bye!" he said and ran off.

Ace seemed mad. I was too.

"That dumb cat! He made me take his place!"

"Why does he always do this?" I rhetorically asked.

"Hey! uhm, Juice!" Ace said.

"It's not Juice, it's Deuce! Deu!"

"You're partly responsible so help us catch that thing!"

"Why me?"

"This deadweight," he said pointing at me, "ca't use magic so they don't count! Lets go!" he finished before heading off after Grim.

I yelled at him, "THIS _DEADWEIGHT_ SOCKED YOU IN THE FACE IN CASE YOU FORGOT, CLIFFORD!"

I looked at not-juice and also started running with him beside me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so motivated recently. Does it have anything to do with my mounting anxiety about college stuff?........nnnnoooo...
> 
> Also if you want more info about Idia and Lily I'm currently posting answers to this OTP Ask Game challenge thing. I think you guys would really like it. Just check out my Tumblr. It also has some spoilers about some of their upcoming interactions...


	14. Why Does Everything Around Me Break?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Shel_BB for the translation.
> 
> Potential trigger warning: minor panic attack
> 
> Anybody else ever haveto sneak into their own dorm room bc they haven't signed up bc colleges are dumb and don't receive ur transcripts even though u'd already gone through a whole ass semester and now you have to simultaneously go to ur college's band camp and prep for football season while registering and avoiding getting caught by the staff at the dorm you're staying at? No? Just me? Great. 
> 
> On a COMPLETELY UNRELATED note. I am eating garlic breadsticks and sparkling rose grape juice to deal with the major stress headache I had while writing this. I love college, man.

We ended up chasing Grim all the way back to the Cafeteria. If he wanted to get out of helping why did he come right back here? Where we're supposed to be.

"Crap! He keeps darting around everywhere!" Ace said.

"Catch me if you can suckers~" Grim giggled out.

I tried to keep up with his movements. He was flying around quite high up. Flying high and fast. He ended up flying onto the, very expensive looking, chandelier in the center of the cafeteria.

There's no way this is ending well. I can feel it deep in my bones.

"He's getting in the chandelier!" The blue guy pointed out. "What an underhanded move."

Sometimes the guys here say things in the weirdest ways. What time period am I in.

"We haven't learned the magic to fly yet..." 

People can learn to fly?! I am so jealous. I love flying.

Blue continued, " We need something to get up there and catch him..."

What could we do though?

"I've gotta think of an idea..." Ace muttered.

"I've got it!" Blue shouted and pointed his wand at Ace. "Hey! Whoa! What are you doing? Why are you pointing that thing at me!?"

This is going to be completely stupid, isn't it?

"I'll just throw you!" Blue guy exclaimed as he solved all the mysteries in the world. Even though he definitely just contributed to them. What the hell does he mean he's going to throw Ace?

Ace gave him a deadpanned stare. "You're joking."

The-guy-who's-name-I-really-should-learn just started to waving his wand in response. All of a sudden Ace started lifting off of the ground.

"Woah-ho-ho! What the hell?! Don't make me float! You're really going to throw me?! Knock it off!"

"Be sure to catch him, you here?" Idiot #2 (that's the new guy) said summoning a cauldron and putting Ace in it.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing??" I asked.

"Take aim," he continued on, ignoring me, "Fire!"

He shot Ace like a cannonball straight at Grim in the chandelier. Everyone was screaming. I don't think anyone was prepared for the insanity that was occurring. They crashed into the chandelier and everything came crashing down. Literally.

How the fuck do I keep getting caught in this kind of shit.

Ace sat up coughing and grim was sprawled out on the ground. He seemed unconscious.

"Ace! Grim!" I shouted running up to them. "Are you two ok?!" I knelt next to them and the wreckage. I picked up Grim and laid him in my lap to check him over better.

"I-I can't believe it," Ace said.

"Grim?" I questioned. He gave out a dazed moan in response.

Idiot #2 looked like a mix of regret and sadness. "I-I messed up. I didn't think about the landing!"

I whipped my head around at him. _I should make him Idiot #1 for this._

"You didn't think about the _landing_?!! You didn't think about anything!"

Ace was just as mad as it me, it seemed. "Are you... AN IIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDIIIOOOOOTTTT?????!!!!! We caught Grim, but if the Headmaster finds out that we busted the chandelier..."

I snapped to look at him now. 

"That's what you're most worried about?!? You could've died right then! You could have a concussion right now! Grim is unconscious! You- We just broke a, more than likely, hella expensive chandelier! And you're worried about some punishment from the Headmaster! That is the _least_ of our worries at the moment! Should be, at least."

"What's this about a broken chandelier?" A voice stated behind us.

"Ah... Headmaster," Ace groaned.

"Just~ what~ exactly~ ARE YOU ALL DOING?!"

I flinched at his yelling.

"The room is spinning..." Grim said disoriented. I let out a relieved sigh. He may be a pain in the ass, but he doesn't deserve to go through all this. 

Crowley seemed genuinely pissed. We may have just royally fucked up.

"You weren't satisfied with just damaging the statues so you decided to destroy the chandelier?! This is the last straw! I will have you all expelled!"

I could feel the color draining from my face. No. Nononono! I can't be expelled! I haven't done anything! I've just been trying to get adjusted! It's not my fault everyone's a stupid asshole! I could feel my heart rate and breathing speed up. I clenched my hands into fists and dug my fingers into my palms. 

_Breathe Lily, breathe. You can panic later. Right now you need to think up a way to get out of this. Somehow._

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh?????!!!!!!" Dumbass and Dumberass screamed.

"Please! Anything but that! I have things to do at this school!" Cauldron boy pleaded.

I decided to try my luck with Crowley as well. "Sir, Headmaster! I literally have nowhere else to go! I can't be kicked out!"

He did not seem phased. "You have nothing to blame but your own Idiodicy."

"I'll pay for the damages myself if I have to!"

Where the hell is Blue Boy going to get that cash? Is he actually a rich kid? I'd actually believe that because there's no way someone as dumb as he got here on his own. Then again, don't guys normally get accepted here because of their magic? I still don't get how he qualified though because all he can do is summon cauldrons. But~ I was also summoned here. You know what? Now isn't the time for this. I'll think about this later.

"This is no ordinary chandelier. This is a magical chandelier that uses candles that will burn for eternity. It is a masterpiece made by a maester of magical tools. It has been entrusted to the school since its very foundation... Taking into consideration it's historical value, it would cost no less than a billion madol," Crowley monologues. Or would it be soliloquized? Eh, who cares. 

"Can you pay for those damages?" Birdbrain asked, surely knowing that the four of us could not. How much would that be in US dollars? What is madol similar to anyway? Is it more like yen than dollars? I just realized I'm going to have to learn a whole new monetary system while I'm here. Dear God. I could barely understand my own! I really hope I don't have to stay here long, or at least there's an equivalent of it from my world.

"A-a billion madol?" Seems I was right, that is a lot of money.

"Why don't ya just fix it up with magic, Teach?" Ace said.

Blue Ace seemed to perk up at the idea.

I pondered that for a moment. While that would be _amazing_ , I doubt it's that simple. Crowley wouldn't be near as mad as he is if that were true. Unless he is going for a scare tactic to make us behave more. But, one, that doesn't seem his style, and two, it seems more likely that magic just, wouldn't be able to solve this. In most depictions of magic and magical societies, in my world at least, magic was rarely an end-all/be-all. It could do amazing things and be extremely powerful, but everything had its limits. And especially when dealing with other magic/magical objects this was even more true.

Crowley crossed his arms. "Magic is not all-powerful-" called it, "More importantly, what we the heart of any magical tool, the magic crystal, was shattered. No two magic crystals are the same. This chandelier will never be lit again." 

That seemed a _bit_ overdramatic. Even if no two crystals are the _same_ , that doesn't mean there aren't two crystals with enough similarities to each other that one can't effectively replace the other. Identical twins aren't _exactly_ alike, but can often be so similar to each other that one can hardly tell the difference.

"How can that..."

"Crap... what am I doing?... What am I going to tell mom...?"

Ace and Blue Ace both looked down disappointedly. I did feel a _tiny, minuscule_ amount of pity for them. I may not know a lot about them, but they seemed pretty passionate about studying here. Everyone that I've run into here has, actually. Grim, Ace, Blue Ace, the trio that I met today. They all seemed to like it here and looked like they were proud to be apart of this school. I seem to be the only exception to everything here. Nothing new there.

Crowley but his head in his hands and seemed to think about something.

"...that's right. There is one way. There might be one way to fix the chandelier."

Hope was blossoming in their eyes again. "Eh?"

I was a bit skeptical. If he's telling the truth why didn't he say so earlier? It's probably really difficult to accomplish. Or he really was using scare tactics before. Either way, this doesn't look good to me.

"The magic crystal for this chandelier was mined in the Dwarves' Mine-" that seems important to note, "If we have a magic crystal of the same kind as the original, repairs might be possible." What happened to, "No two crystals are alike" bullshit?

Baby Blue puffed up his chest before saying, "I'll go get the crystal! Please, allow me to go!"

"However, I have no idea if the crystals are still in the mine. The mine has been shut down for a while and it's very possible that it exhausted all of the crystals."

Crow Man. Can you stop it with the rollercoaster over there? Just tell us if we can or not.

"I'll do anything not to get expelled."

Okay, Hermione Granger. Let's chill for a moment.

"...fine. I'll give you one night," Crowley relented, "Come to me with a magic crystal by tomorrow morning or be faced with expulsion."

Hermione seemed to finally be happy. "Yes! Thank you very much!"

"AHhhh, I suppose. Let's go get that crystal and be done with it."

"I guess I'll go. Don't really have any other options."

Crowley nodded at us. "Use the Mirror to get to the Dwarves' Mine."

"Yes sir!" Mr. Granger shouted. Stiffening up so intensely. 

"Huh? What's going on?" Grim said, coming back to coherency.

I looked at him. "You might've been better off asleep, furball. I'll fill you in on the way, though."

* * *

Ace sighed. "Why did today have to end up like this? Today really isn't my day..."

This pasty ass motherfucker...

"Now isn't the time for mumbling! Let's go!"

Is Blue Hermione deaf as well as stupid?

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, light our way to the Dwarves' Mine."

_Why does that sound familiar?_

I couldn't think about it too long because the mirror started making ripples on the glass. Then, all of the sudden, I was engulfed in a flash of light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, check out my other fic: If One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure, Imagine How Much You Mean to Me, Firecracker. It takes place right after Idia's overblot, and normally I wouldn't have posted it yet. I was in my feels though, so I did anyway. It was my first time writing smut, too. Any and all feedback is welcomed on it.
> 
> You guys do know I still like comments, right? Idk if this seems like begging or desperate (sorry if it does), but I know before my break I would already have at least one or two comments on my previous chapters. It's not a big deal. I just miss hearing what you all think about this and responding to them.


	15. I Meet Even More Ghosts... Joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits to Shel_BB for the translations.
> 
> I don't know if I have said this in a previous A/N, but at the end of this prologue, I'll go back through and correct any errors before heading on to the next few fics. I plan on doing Ghost Marriage and Ace's Birthday events done before chapter 1 of the game. I would also very much appreciate it if someone could tell me where the events like Bean Day and the Fairy Gala fall in the timeline of the game. I know (supposedly) that Ghost Marriage takes place between the Pomfiore and Ignihyde chapters. Idk about the others. I can't really write about the others without knowing that, so if you're really wanting one of those other events, please tell me where it fits in the Main Game Timeline and I'll probably make it a higher priority to write. Honestly, the events are one of my favorite parts of Twisted Wonderland and I have lots of ideas about how those can go. Alternatively to canon after all. Please and thank you.

When the light faded away I appeared in a forest. 

Ew. Nature... no.

We were specifically in a clearing in a forest. There was a bit of a trail leading into the woods. I started to walk towards it because, well, I didn't see any better options. The boys quickly followed after me when they saw me heading for the trail.

"So this must be the Dwarves' Mine... It used to be prosperous because of the crystal mining but..." Baby Blue said.

Grim came closer to me, lightly wrapping his tail around my shoulders. "Uhu... Feels like something could jump out..." His tail tightened around me.

"You're not wrong. Not really getting good vibes from here," I said.

The guys looked at me confused. Ace asked, "Good vibes?"

I didn't feel like explaining it, so I just waved him off over my shoulder and said, "I'll explain when we're outta here."

We continued looking around for... anything really. Eventually Ace noticed something in the distance.

"Oh, there's a house back there. Let's go ask them about the mine."

I couldn't see this supposed house, so I was just hoping I wasn't being trolled.

* * *

We came up on this, very clearly abandoned and in worse shape than my dorm, house. Is this what Toph felt like? Physically being able to see the least but still able to see more than the entire group? Who the fuck is Ace thinking is living here?!

Baby Blue knocked on the door and it slowly opened as he did so. He put his head in. "Good evening..." He opened the door further and walked in, "I guess it's abandoned. It's a mess in here."

No shit Sherlock. A real astute observation.

Grim immediately floated into something as soon as the both of us walked in.

"Puwah!" he yelled, wiping at his face, "I got a spider web in my face."

"Aren't the tables and chairs on the small side? Are they for kids? One, two... That's seven! That's so many!' Ace said.

"This place is around the _Dwarves' Mine._ This is probably where they lived, considering how remote this place is."

"It was probably a lively home when the Dwarves' Mine flourished," Baby Blue chimed in.

"With seven people here? Most definitely."

Ace nodded his head. "They did what they had to do. After all, magic crystals are found inside of coal. For now, let's go check it out." He started heading to the door.

* * *

We then continued to the _sketchiest_ coal mine I've ever been to. Not that that was a lot, even if my dad did work for a coal company.

Grim curled up against me again. "W-w-we're re-really going in the pitch black hole?"

"I've got to agree with the cat. Is this really worth it?"

Ace put on another cocky smirk and taunted, "Scared? Lame."

"I-I'm not scared at all!" Grim said, puffing his chest up.

I, on the other hand, have no sense of pride and so, that didn't work on me. " _He_ may not, but I most certainly like living and so I'm ready and willing to dip. I can figure something out if we really do get expelled."

Ace snickered at me. "For a girl who was ready and willing to shred everyone at school to pieces, you sure are acting like a coward."

I raised an eyebrow at him and crossed my arms over my chest. "Lead the way then, if you're _really_ so courageous." I backed up a little and waved an arm in front of me toward the entrance, daring him to go.

"Fine! Follow me, ya pansies," He huffed.

We all followed him into the mine.

There were a plethora of gems all over the walls. It was honestly rather beautiful. If, in a bit of a creepy, unnerving way.

We walked along for a bit before Hermione 2.0 called out, "Wait!"

The rest of us turned to face him. Ace put his hands on his hips and glared slightly annoyed. "What."

"something... is there!"

A sound came from behind us. The three of us whipped around and Grim screamed when we saw what was behind us. I did too, but that's irrelevant.

_More ghosts?!! Why? Why God, why?_

"Hee hee! Our first visitors in ten years!" one of them said.

"Make yourselves at home! For eternity!" the other one said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long to post. I've been feeling really dizzy while I was writing this recently and this is the first real chance I've had to work on it since I got back to college.
> 
> Also, in February I am going to join the Femslash February tag/challenge thing and will do an alphabet AU writing prompt thing for it. Every day I'll do at least one AU for the letter (on the prompt list some of the letters have multiple AU's). It will be Lily and just about any female character that I think of or you guys request. If I don't know or just don't like the character then I obviously won't write them. I'll post the AU list when I start the fic. you can even ask me to do Lily and some guy that's genderbent. 
> 
> If you are wanting some LilyxIdia content, though. I am also going to be posting some one-shots based on a Word writing prompt on my Tumblr. (ace-of-hearta, if you didn't know) That one I'll also be taking requests on and I'll do one word per day just like the Femslash fic.
> 
> So there are all the updates for now.


	16. Why are Gumball Machines Monsters?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYONE SHUT UP!!! CLICK OFF OF THIS AND READ "Smile my dear, It's sunrise" IT'S IS GREAT AND IT INSPIRED ME TO ADD IN SOMETHING LATER ON THAT I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE!
> 
> In other news:
> 
> Credit to Shel_BB for the translations.
> 
> Reminder: 
> 
> Starting in tomorrow I'll be writing a bunch of female/genderbent characters with Lily from any recommended/requested fandom for Femslash February. So be on the lookout for that. I already have the list of AU's up so go and comment what you'd like to see from me!
> 
> Also,... I DIDN'T REALIZE I COULD LOOK AT MY COMMENTS IN MY INBOX!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD THAT!!! So, uhh... If you've ever wondered why your comment wasn't 'read' (If you could/can see that) then that's why.

The four of us were quickly being overwhelmed by the ghosts in the mine.

"This place is haunted by ghosts, too!" Ace complained.

The Iida look-a-like grunted in agreement. "We don't have time to deal with them one by one! Let's go!" 

"Don't think you can just boss me around! If you hadn't done something so idiotic we wouldn't be in this mess," Ace argued.

Iida did not like that. "You wanna talk about who's fault it _actually_ is? It's cause _you_ wouldn't clean!"

"It's cause that furball set the Queen of Hearts' statue on fire!"

And, of course, Grim had to join in now. 

"Hah?! That's what you get for making fun of me!"

I decided to get this train back on its tracks.

"Ladies, ladies! You're all beautiful! But get your panties out of a bunch and let's get out of here! I don't about you three stooges, but I don't feel like dying in an abandoned coal mine on my first day at school."

"See! She gets it! Do you guys not realize what situation we're in? We're expelled if we don't get the crystal back by morning!"

Ace sighed and rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Quit patronizing me."

"Everybody settle down!" I yelled. In the brief quiet, I could hear something in the distance. I didn't get a very good feeling about it.

"Did anyone else hear that?"

All of a sudden the voice got louder.

"...one... ive...wo..."

We all screamed.

"What was that?!" Ace yelled.

"St...one...mine..."

Baby Blue stuttered out, "I-I think it's... getting closer."

All of a sudden the monster behind the voice came into where we were, crying out, "Stone... IISS MIIIIIIIIINNNEEEEEE!"

The monster was huge. The hat on its glass, ink-filled 'head' was scraping the top of the mine. Its 'head', for lack of a better term, was a glass bottle... thing filled with a black, inky substance and a huge cork to keep it in. The hat rested on top of it. In the glass itself, oddly enough, was the indents of a pair of eyes and a crack in it where the mouth would be and 'ink' (I think it's ink) slowly dripping out of it. Almost as if were to represent a face. It also had ink for its body, most of which were covered by the large buttoned-up shirt(?) (dress?).

Funnily enough, it reminded me of a gumball machine monster.

"It's heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeee!!!!!!!!"

"What is that thing?!" Dumber Iida said.

"Motherfucker, if any of us knew, do you really think we'd be panicking this much?!" I yelled.

Grim started to whine in distress. "Crowley didn't say anything about this! Let's get out of here!"

"The thing's nasty as fuck, but didn't it say something about a stone?" Ace said.

"Eh?" we all said.

"Sto...ne, won't...give...!!!"

We all flinched at its roar.

Blue Hermione lit up like a Christmas tree. "That means there _are_ still crystals left!"

_How?! Last I checked, stones and crystals were nowhere near the same thing._

"N-n-n-nope! I may be a genius, but even this is something I can't beat!" Grim stuttered.

Iida IRL grew frustrated.

_Oh no. Oh God, please no._

"We're expelled without it!... Fine. I'll get it!"

"You're kidding right?" Ace said.

I looked over to the kid incredulously. "You can't be that much of a moron, right? It's way too dangerous on your own!"

He shot us a determined look. "I can't, under any circumstances, be expelled!"

_What kind of bullshit main character backstory does_ he _have?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder that I do have a few projects going on, both here and on Tumblr that I think you would all enjoy! Also, I put my Femslash February story here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29115012/chapters/71471946. It's titled 'A-Z Femslash February 2021'.


	17. The Author Would like to Inform You that all of Their Creativity went into the Content of this Story and So They ran out When Making This Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits to Shel_BB for the translations.
> 
> You guys can thank Sas and Broken_Synchronicity for giving me the motivation for doing this chapter.
> 
> (Broken_Synchronicity writes this really great fanfic called Lost in Translation and I 110% recommend it. They also, for some unfathomable reason, have read this mess?!! They are great and deserve more love than AO3 allows me to give them so you guys should as well... That's it)

The stupid guy rushed back the way we had run from, towards the ink(?) monster.

The thing growled at us, "Leave! Leave! LEAVE! LLLLEEEEEAAAAAAAAVVVVVEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" and hurled a glob of ink at him. The guy immediately went down when it hit him in the head.

"What did I tell you?!" I yelled at him. Probably something I shouldn't be doing, especially when we were in mortal peril, but hey. What can I say? I'm petty like that.

"Stand back if you have no control Mr. Serious," Ace yelled out, "I'll stop it!"

"Excuse me?!!" I screamed in confusion. Ace just ignored me and hurled a ...spear? Gust? of wind at the monster.

It did nothing to it. In fact, it only made it angrier and it proceeded to knock Ace flat on his back with another glob of ink as it did with the blue, stupid one.

"What is the name of everything good and holy made you think that was a good idea?!"

The gumball-looking thing started to get closer to the four of us. Dumb and Dumber quickly scrambled up to a standing position.

Grim screamed in fright and shot a ball of fire at it trying to scare it away. The... area we were in briefly lit up from the fire but was quickly gone as it had missed the monster and just went farther along the path.

"I-It's not working at all!" Grim cried.

The monster continued to make its way forward. Behind it, though I noticed something sparkling, reflecting the light of Grim's fireball.

"Did anyone else notice the sparkling thing behind the monster?!" I yelled.

Ace also called out, "Behind that thing! At the end of the tunnel..."

"That light is it a magic crystal?!" Blue called out.

I snorted and said, "Nooo, it's a chunk of coal."

The monster also decided to remind us that it wasn't going to give up the stone by screaming it into our faces.

_Why can't monsters ever actually be sentient? Well, I guess I mean smart? Like, seriously. We get it. You won't let us get the crystal._

Grim screeched and said, "L-l-l-l-let's g-g-get o-out of here!! We're done for at this rate!"

I looked over at him indignantly, "I have been saying that this _entire_ time!!!!"

The three of them stood there for a moment, Ace was glaring at me and the other two were petrified.

I rolled my eyes. "Well come on, retreat you, dumbasses!"

The four of us darted to the exit. The gumball monster let out one last guttural yell as we made our way out of the mine.

* * *

We ran all the way back to the abandoned house we discovered on our way to the mine. I hunched over, hands on my knees, trying to keep what little food I had eaten today in my stomach. I'm not really what some would call... 'athletic'. And it shows. I've never run so much so fast in my life.

"Is this far enough?" Grim asked panting.

I heard Ace groan beside me before saying, "What was that? No one said anything about that!"

"It didn't seem like any old ghost..." said Blue.

"'Didn't seem like any old ghost' he says," I say, vaguely mimicking his voice, "No shit sherlock! Did the gumball machine knock out all your brain cells when knocked you flat on your ass because you wanted to- I don't know- play hero?!"

Baby blue at least had the decency to look ashamed.

"I can't be expelled, no matter what."

_He said that as if that explained fuck all._

"Gumball machine...? Do you mean the monster?" Grim asked.

"Yeah, the thing reminded me of a gumball machine." I shrugged.

"Let's just go home," Ace chimed in, "I'd rather get expelled than fight that thing."

"Wha? I'd rather die than get expelled! There's a magic crystal right in front of us and you wanna turn tail?"

"Ha! You sure talk big for someone worse at magic than me. Go in alone if you want. I'm out."

I could see Blue get mad at Ace for that, but I was even more pissed. 

I was going to show these bastards exactly why they say 'Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned'.

I grabbed both of them by their collars and pulled them closer to me. While they were off-balanced I swung my leg around to kick them in the knees to knock them on the ground, effectively dead legging them, and shoved their hard heads together on their way down.

"What the hell, bitch!" Ace screamed, rubbing his forehead, "What was that for?!"

I was livid now.

"What was that for?! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! It was for all the bullshit you've put me through all day! It was for putting me at risk of losing my only shelter here in this fucked up hell hole that I was transported to!"

I gave myself a moment to catch my breath.

Ace started to take that as his queue to start speaking up.

"OH NO, ASSHOLE! You can shut your GODDAMNED mouth, put your petty piece of shit pride to the side and take a second to realize that, and stick with me here for a moment, YOUR ACTIONS HAVE FUCKING CONSEQUENCES!!!! 

"Let me tell you what this past day, two days? Who knows, into perspective for you. Okay? Imagine, now I know this may be a bit hard because ants have more brain cells than the both of you combined, but imagine with me for a moment. You are a recently graduated high schooler, college kid for you guys. You went through four years of, arguably, both the absolute best and worst years of your life. You and a friend of yours decide to go to the same university together and become roommates. After a long, _long_ , and difficult enrollment process later, the two of you move into your shared dorm that'll be your new home for at least the next year. 

"It's your first night there and unpacking everything turns your night into a late one, but eventually you fall asleep. When you wake up though, instead of the lighting of your room, alarm clock, or, hell, even the sunlight from the window on the other side of the room, it's the light of blue flames encasing the box- did I mention all of the sudden you're in a suffocating box instead of the bed you were on earlier that night- which comes through the cracks and nearly catches your clothes on fire. Then when you're freed from the claustrophobia-inducing box... thing, you're greeted by a cat with blue flames coming from them, leading you to assume this is the thing that nearly roasted you alive, threatening to actually roast you this time if you don't hand over your clothes.

"Now, keep in mind, you have no FUCKING idea what the hell is going on. Last you checked, talking, floating cats didn't exist, much less threaten to set you aflame in an attempt to mug you for clothes. Speaking of! When you try to think of a reason would want to take your pajamas, the most you can reason at this point was that you were dreaming, you look down and, to no one's surprise but your own, you are wearing some sort of fancy wizard robe! But that's not all! NO! That can never be all! Then the fire cat creature chases you around in an empty building, again you have no idea where you are! 

"All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a- what you think at first- savior comes to your rescue! 'Finally!' You scream internally, someone who can help me! Except he doesn't. No! Nonono! That would be a _good_ thing and we can't have _that_ now, can we?! Your 'savior', I use the term loosely, turns out to be an arrogant nutcase who'd rather go by his own, MADE UP, narrative, and ignoring everything else! Calling the cat monster your 'familiar', not knowing what that means in the first place, ranting and raving about the school that you're apparently at, and so much other confusing nonsense that you can't even keep up with it! Then he forces you to go and publically humiliate yourself in front of a crowd of random people and has the AUDACITY to blame you! YOU! For when you don't have magic! For when the monster goes crazy!"

I could feel my emotions welling up in me.

"You finally get tired of everything and decide to take things into your own hands. Not even that works. In fact, it makes things worse. You instead find out that you can't leave! You have to stay in this hellhole that you appeared in and has been trying to kill you since you got there! And your whole life before this? Doesn't FUCKING exist! Your mom? Not real. Your dad? Not real. Your sisters? Your brothers? Your aunts and uncles? Your cousins? Your friends? NOT REAL! They don't exist. Because apparently, your world isn't REAL!

"And then... and then! You get stuck in a building that's so broken down and everything that rain can leak through the roof, the upper floors, all the way until it hits you at the bottom floor. Did I mention that it's haunted! But hey, at least you have somewhere, right? And then the cat comes back, you're forced to work at the school because you can't be a ' _freeloader_ ', which is bullshit! I'm not a freeloader! I'm a kid! I'm homeless! I don't even exist here legally! It's not like I'm just sitting on my ass at someone's house leeching off of their food! But, I said sure. I get an income and I don't have to worry about bills. Why not?

"And you would think after all that fucking bullshit, I would get a break! BUT NO! The very next day a dumbass student, named Ace Trappola, had to get his kicks in. Which caused a fight to break out, even more work to be put on me, and, honestly, I could've dealt with that. IF, you know, people here were capable of being RESPONSIBLE!!!! Because _t_ _hen_ , Ace tries to skip, Grim and I had to catch him, whoever the hell you are," I said pointing at the blue-haired dude, "get caught up in this, and things really start turning for the worst! A chandelier gets broken, Ace and Grim could've really been hurt- and kind of were, Grim had a concussion!- and all of the sudden all of MY stuff, my home, my income, the only place I could get food, are in danger! Do you guys understand that?! I have NOTHING, outside of Night Raven! Nothing! I have no home, no clothes than what I am wearing, no money, nothing.

"And you want to just bail?!! I'll be out on the _streets_ if we don't get that crystal! I don't have a home to get back to! What's going to happen to you guys if we go back?? Huh? Your parents are going to be disappointed? You're going to get grounded? Motherfuckers! Oh, woe are _you_ however will you cope?!"

I stopped there. I stood there catching my breath after my monologue. And trying not to cry. I was at the end of my patience. I couldn't deal with any more stupidity or else I may break down again. 

_I really need to get some decent rest._

I sighed and brought a hand to my face. I was so done with all of this.

"What does it even matter though?" My voice cracked, "Can even magic fix this?" I didn't look at them while I said that. I just held my face in my hands, trying to calm down after that outburst.

Iida and Hermione's love child cleared his throat.

"I-I'm sorry about that. You're right. We really should've been more aware of the consequences of our actions."

I looked up at him. I didn't have the energy to be mad anymore. I just gave him a tired look.

He continued, "Truly, magic isn't the end-all-be-all like the headmaster said. If you can't imagine it then it won't materialize. Large-scale or complicated magic requires a lot of magic to use."

_He really knows how to cheer someone up, doesn't he?_

"But that's what we have schools of magic for. You have to practice it a lot to use it as it comes to mind. Bluntly, you'll mess it up if you lose your cool," Ace said.

"Well, that certainly explains somethings," I said, mumbling the rest under my breath, "Whatever brought me here really nerfed me by not giving me magic. This is so mean. I'd be so OP."

"The stuff you're good at can come instinctually," Ace continued.

The other guy looked at me, "In any case, I'm going to get that crystal. I'll figure out how to beat the monster and come back with it."

"Yeah, because that worked out so well the last time. Remember the chandelier?" Ace ridiculed. "You couldn't land a hit earlier and now you'll 'figure-it-out'? You aren't going to get a different outcome.

Baby blue started to get pissy again, "What?! You think..."

Grim floated over to me and said, "Here they go again."

I decided to let them have at it for a moment. I started to try thinking of a way for us to get out of this mess. I soon realized that I didn't think too well with a pair of toddlers fighting each other.

"Alright! That's enough!" I shouted at them.

"Wha! What now!?" Grim yelled out.

"I'm trying to think of a plan for us to get out of this mess, but I can't with you guys going at it like cats and dogs. I don't really get why you are though. None of us could really do much of anything in the mines against that thing..." I trailed off. "That's it!"

I spun on my heels. 

"We need to work together! Make a strategy! None of us could do anything in the mine back then because we- well, you guys- were working on your own! If we all cooperated and stuff we could probably take it down. Or, actually, keep it distracted long enough for one of us to get the crystal."

"You want _me_ ," Ace said pointing at himself, "to work with _him_ ," he continued, pointing at the blue-haired guy. "That's so cold. Saying such lame things with such a serious face."

"Agreed. I'm not working with such a loser."

Grim looked at both of them before saying, "But... isn't it a whole lot lamer to be expelled on the first day?"

Both of them seemed a bit shocked by that.

I gave them my most 'innocent' (read, menacing) smile. Eyes closed and everything. "Either way I wasn't giving you a choice. You all played a part in this and so, all of you are going to help fix this. Unless you need further... persuasion?"

They looked between themselves.

"I-I guess when you put it that way.." Blue ended nervously.

Ace tried to save some face and tried acting cool. "You got a plan or something, then?"

I smiled a bit mischievously this time.

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sas! Thank you soo much for commenting! I haven't gotten one in so long I never thought I would again! (LOL jk) I hope you and everyone else like the chapter, it would've been done earlier but I got sick and am finally feeling better.
> 
> (And if you are waiting on me to update my other stuff... I'll get to it before the end of the month... somehow. I promise)


	18. We Become Crystal Thieves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend wouldn't let me finish this for so long.
> 
> Credit to Shel_BB for the translations.

We stood in front of the Dwarves' Mine again. I was not excited to be back here, even if I was the one to make us come back. 

"You.. you really think that this will work?" Grim said beside me. "I'm sca- nervous."

Now, in all honesty, I'm half expecting us all to die. But that doesn't seem like something that would be very motivating at the moment. So, quite obviously, I didn't say that. I didn't say anything in fact. Ace saved me from replying.

"You're too stiff! Go with the flow and get this over with."

I looked at Ace with the most 'done' expression I could make. The hypocrisy.

"Everyone, just get ready," I said.

Grim floated closer into the mine and started causing a commotion to get the monster's attention.

"Hey, Beasty! O-o-o-ver here!"

It was too dark to see where the monster was from my position at the entrance, but I could hear the monster's reply, "LLLllllllllllllEEeeeAAAAAAAAAaaavvvvvvEEEE!!" it growled out.

Grim squealed and started heading back to us with the monster chasing him. When I could see the monster I called out to it as well.

"This way Beasty!~"

The monster looked at me.

"There... thief... Won't... give... stone... mine..." 

This thing is capable of memory?!! What the hell?

I couldn't dwell on that too long because the thing immediately took a swing at me and I barely had time to move out of the way.

"Woah! That punch looks like it will knock you out if it hits you!"

I am just surrounded by a bunch of _Einstiens_ here.

"Let's book it! I really don't want to test that theory. Get this freak away from the mine!"

The monster was growing frustrated.

"Go away! Go Away!"

Grim and I did. We went _far_ away. We lead this thing close to the forest on the opposite side of the clearing, towards where Ace and Deuce (he told me his name again as we we're making the plan)

"It's pretty far from the tunnel!" Grim yelled out.

I called out to Ace and Grim, "OK, you two! Do it now!"

"Got it!" Ace yelled out as he came out from hiding, "Extra Large Tempest!" A huge tornado appeared from Ace waving his pen thing around in front of us. 

"And the Great Grim's Fire Special!" Grim shouted before launching a pretty big fireball at Ace's tornado. The two spells hit each other and combined into a sizeable fire tornado heading straight for the monster. The gumball machine let out a roar from being hit by Ace and Grim's combo.

"Look at that! I can even turn Grim's shoddy flames into an inferno."

Grim whipped around to face Ace, livid at his comment. "My flames aren't shoddy! Arg! Every word out of your mouth annoys me!"

"Deuce! While the thing's still in the tornado! Drop something on it!" I commanded, ignoring the two beside me bickering.

"Something... heavy... heaviest thing I know... Come forth, cauldron!" 

All of a sudden a huge cauldron appeared over the monster's head and fell on top of it. The cauldron crushed it as flat as a pancake.

Grim cheered when the monster fell and the flames disappeared. "Good work, everybody!" Grim got a better look at the monster and started laughing. "He looks like Ace when he got flattened like a pancake!!"

Ace just rolled his eyes. "You don't need to bring that up all the time. Geez, today isn't my-" I stopped him with a glare right there. If this hasn't been anyone's day it hasn't been mine.

"Let's get the crystal while we can," Deuce said. 

We took off for the mine after that. I could hear the monster calling out to us to wait and chill went down my spine.

I picked up my pace.

It took us a few minutes to find where the crystal was again. Deuce found it first coming out from the wall a bit.

"There! The crystal!"

The monster bellowed out from behind us, " Hhhhaaaannddsss ooooooooofffffff!!!!!!!!!"

We all turned around to see what was going on. I couldn't see much, but I could tell that the monster was struggling to get up.

"Shit! That thing is almost free!" Ace yelled out.

"Deuce! Throw some stuff on it!" Grim shouted.

I ran to the crystal and started to try to dig/pull it out while the dumbass trio panicked. Not that I blame him, but still.

Deuce summoned some more cauldrons to keep the thing weighed down. From what I could hear, he might as well have summoned 5,000 of them for how many times I heard him yelling the word 'cauldron'. This also prompted the three of them to argue about just how _creative_ Deuce is with his summons. By the end of that petty argument I finally got the crystal out.

"I got the damned crystal! Let's get outta here!"

"Roger!"

"Ain't gotta tell me twice!"

"Yes ma'am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrelated but still funny: I feel like a huge simp for this community. Like all my comments and everything are on every fic I read on this account are just me being a hype person. And then I see others on here with really lengthy detailed comments and I realized, I am a thembo for fic writers. Not complaining, just something I realized.

**Author's Note:**

> This is like my 50th time trying to write and keep up with a fanfic without deleting it. Pray and show support so I don't delete this. BTW, hope you liked it. I may keep doing the prologue in the second person idk. I may change it to first in the next chap. Comment below if you think I should do it one way or the other.


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